Confessions of the Night
by Callianassa
Summary: Ray is a private man, but on the first Friday of the month, he gets a chance to talk to someone...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note - Welcome to my Ray Donovan fanfic! This is a new area for me so I would love to have your feedback, I can't seem to find enough RD fanfic online so hope this will help a few of you out too! Reviews and feedback are much appreciated, however small or brutal, you have no idea how helpful it is for me. Much love and many thanks! x**

* * *

Ray blew the air out of his cheeks as he parked the Mercedes in its usual spot in the basement car park of the apartment block. It was dark down here, he could take just a moment to close his eyes and gather himself like he always had to on the first Friday of the month. Adjusting his collar for a moment, unbuttoning the top button, he touched the panel and listened for the dialling tone. It reverberated through the silence for a moment before Abby answered.

"Where the hell are you? Conor's teachers want us in first thing on Monday, Ray, we have to talk about this."

He didn't expect that to be the first blast but he was used to it. He glanced at himself in the rearview as he rubbed his hand over his hair and exhaled heavily. "I got shit to do tonight, Abs, you know this." He could hear her flicking through the pages of the calendar she insisted he use but she never referenced. After a moment, she huffed in annoyance.

"Where is it you go every month, Raymond?"

"I'm late," he said abruptly, glancing at the clock and seeing the numbers dissolve softly into midnight. "I'll be back by lunch, okay?"

He could already hear her saying his name to berate him further before he clicked to end the call. He picked up his cell and send a goodnight message to Bridget and then Conor before he nodded to himself in the mirror and slid out of his seat.

Ray hardly remembered how many times he had come to this place. Too many times, probably. He was a confident man, cool, steely, but every time he came here he felt nervous. Pushing the penthouse button, he waited for a moment for the intercom to connect. It buzzed brightly, it was always too loud for his liking.

"It's me," he muttered roughly. Within half a second, the elevator started with its usual grace and glided seamlessly to the top of the shaft. He fiddled with his cufflinks as he waited in silence for the single ping of the elevator to announce his arrival.

He stepped into the marbled foyer to be greeted by the sight of swollen, pink peonies in a vase on the table. He knew the rules by now, he took out his phones, his wallet, his keys and laid them all on the table. Reaching around his back, he lifted his shirt and took his gun from its place, housed against his spine. He dropped the clip into the palm of his hand and placed it flat next to the revolver before stopping to untie his laces and carefully placing his shoes beneath the table.

"Where are you?" he asked, taking a few measured steps into the empty living room. He pulled off his jacket slowly and dropped it over the arm of the single armchair in the corner. Padding through the apartment in his sock-clad feet, he paused as he approached the kitchen.

"I was just getting you a drink."

She was wearing red, he loved it when she wore red. Little black Christian Louboutins with their teasing red soles, too. She pressed a glass of scotch into his hand, a double measure with three ice cubes, it was just the way he liked it, but she knew that.

"Are you okay? You're late."

She moved like a cat as she prowled to take a seat on the couch. Ray chuckled for a moment and looked into his glass. "Can't a guy be a minute late?"

She smiled. "You're never late for me."

He laughed at the simplicity of the statement. She was right, of course. For years they had had this arrangement, he was always there on time, usually a minute before which he would spend waiting anxiously in the foyer. She watched as he unclipped his cufflinks and left them on the table before he took the seat beside her.

"You smell good," he murmured, possessed by her in seconds. He leaned into her, his nose seeking her skin, he needed to touch her, connect with her. She drew her hair away from her neck and felt her lips part as she exhaled with painful intimacy at his move.

"Just good old fashioned soap," she replied. His lips were already grazing her collarbone, she closed her eyes for a moment as she enjoyed the feel of his lips nibbling along her skin. "Wouldn't want your wife knowing anything, would we?"

It was the same reason she never wore lipstick, or any make up for that matter. Not that Ray ever noticed, her skin was always flawless and she looked like a damn movie star. "Don't talk about her," he muttered. "Not now."

Her lips curled into a smile, she knew what he wanted. It was what he always wanted. His hand was already straying to her breast, holding her as his tongue traced along her neck towards her jaw. She was the release that he so desperately needed, he groaned as she pressed him away for a moment to take another sip of her drink. The ice clinked in the glass, every sound in this place, however tiny, felt magnified to the extreme when his senses were so on fire.

"Do you want to start now?" she asked. Her voice was breathy, he could tell that she had been thinking about this just as much as he had. He nodded, prising the glass from her and placing it on the table as he pushed her down on the couch. He gripped her cheeks in his hand as he looked over her, her dark brown hair falling in gentle curls around her face and against the seat.

"Yes, Alexia, I do," he growled, his hand running up beneath her dress. He could feel her purring beneath his touch as her fingers ghosted over her underwear, she wanted this just as much as he did, she always did. He tiptoed his hand along her thigh, urging the hem of her dress up to her hip as she worked down his shirt, undressing him torturously slowly. By the time she got to the last button, Ray was about ready to explode.

She had only just about pushed his shirt from his shoulders, her hands dwelling on the toned muscles of his shoulders, before Ray dragged her roughly beneath him. He pushed a hot kiss on her lips that made her whimper as his tongue overpowered her, hungry for her, wanting her. Right now, he needed to own every inch of her goddamn body and he wasn't going anywhere until he was satisfied.

* * *

"So are you okay?"

Alexia sat up in the bed and reached across to the bedside for a Sobranie. They had always been her favourite, she made him pick them up for her whenever he left the country. The little purple cigarette rested between her fingers as she drew the sheet tight across her body. Ray, on the other hand, stretched out naked. It was too hot, he could feel the sweat still pouring off his brow from their intense orgasms. His body was slick as she dragged her fingertip lazily across his chest.

"Conor keeps getting into shit at school," he finally ventured, glancing up at her and motioning for the cigarette. She slipped down in the sheets beside him and held it to his lips for him to take a drag. Ray watched the obsessive precision she used as she watched his mouth wrap around the end to take a hit.

"Have you been talking to him?" she asked coolly. When he didn't answer, she smiled a little. "Do you think you've found your answer?"

"You can't pin this on me," he objected, moving to put one arm behind his head as he leaned back on the pillow. "I'm working."

"We've talked about you making time before," she said, rolling onto her side to flick the cigarette ash into a carefully placed ashtray on the bedside table. Ray smiled, he loved how she was so pernickety about everything. She took another pull before resting the remains of the cigarette to burn on the side. She held the smoke in her mouth for a moment and then blew it out above his head. "It doesn't take much, Ray."

"I noticed," he smirked, grabbing her waist roughly and rolling her back towards him. She giggled at his playful embrace, she could feel his erection straining against her leg, eager to start all over again. He started to nibble at her earlobe, hungry for another go, but she pressed her hand to his chest.

"Are you sleeping?" she asked. Her words were soft, she was concerned, he could tell. Ray wrinkled his nose.

"Not for a while. Nightmares," he said, tapping his temple. "But you don't need to worry about that."

She laughed. "I'm your therapist, Ray, of course I'm going to worry about it."

Ray gazed at her for a moment, feigning shock. "What? I just thought you were a really expensive hooker."

She gave him a playful slap and sat up on the side of the bed. She gathered her clip and scooped her hair up to the top of her head, pinning it in place effortlessly, as if it had taken her hours to get it just right. "And I thought you were another one of those Hollywood jerk-offs looking for a lay," she teased as she stood up. Ray sat up, resting on his elbows as he watched her move around the room, pulling on her almost see-through black negligee and pouring herself another drink. She lifted the bottle towards him, he nodded and she refilled his glass.

"They gave me pills," he said as he accepted the scotch. "To take to sleep. Benzodiazepines, I think."

She pursed her lips and looked at his reflection in the mirror. "Are you getting any palpitations?" He shook his head. "They're addictive, you'll find them hard to come off."

"I only took them the once, spent the whole of the next day off my game." He stood up and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her body and stroking his hands over her perfect curves with a sort of satisfaction. "And you know I can't be off my game."

She murmured contently as he kissed along her shoulder. He left a little bite mark in the crook of her neck, making her yelp with an intense mixture of pleasure and pain as he ran his fingers along her spine.

"You can just sleep here tonight, if you want? We don't have to, you know."

She gestured to the bed. The sheets were half-hanging off the mattress, the pillows were askew, one had already fallen on the floor. She reached to start tidying it up but Ray stilled her hands, ducking his head to engage her eyes.

"But we have an agreement."

Alexia rolled her eyes. "Fat lot of good you are to me if you're a sleep-deprived zombie, Ray. Come on, just... lie down." She drew him affectionately back to the bed and urged him to rest. Her hands felt like silk on his skin, and the hushed tones she spoke in made him remarkably dozy. He lay back for a bit before scooping her closer and nuzzling his nose in her hair. She smelled of orchids and coconut, the smell made him feel calm as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Maybe just for ten minutes," he murmured as he kissed her forehead and drifted off into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Ray sat up suddenly, panting, trying to remember his surroundings. He reached instantly for the gun he usually placed on the nightstand beside him, it wasn't there and he felt panic ensue his body as he violently hurled the damp sheets away from his legs. As he rubbed his hand over his face, he took a breath and looked around to see Alexia's bedroom. Familiarising himself with the place again, he became attuned to the smell of coffee and spotted a pot sitting ready for him on the side beside some freshly-laundered, folded towels.

He dunked his head beneath the shower and rubbed the water through his hair. He had slept, he had slept for the first time in four weeks and he felt like he was in heaven. He smiled to himself as he picked the soap up out of the dish and rubbed it over his body. It felt good, it smelled like her, he could wear her all day and Abby would be none the wiser.

He towelled off to find that his underwear and shirt had been washed and hung up neatly on the side. He chuckled to himself as he pulled on his black boxers and looked at his reflection in the mirror. For once, the bags below his eyes didn't look so grey, it was a relief to look a little more human. Avi had been recommending a diet of weird Israeli mushrooms, Ray hadn't fancied that, that was for sure. This was a much-preferred cure.

He dressed and bounced down the stairs to find Alexia sitting, poring over the paper with an espresso in hand. She nodded towards the clock as she saw him. "You're late."

His eyes followed hers and he groaned. Shit, he was really late, it was nearly eleven. By the time he hit the highway, he'd catch the lunchtime traffic and he'd never be back before one. Abby was going to kill him, he'd have to call her in the car.

"Guess I don't have time for breakfast?" he joked, snatching up an apple from the bowl and slipping it into his pocket for the drive back. He picked up his jacket and took out a packet of money which he left on the table in front of her. She looked at it casually, not bothering to check it. They'd had this arrangement for far too long for her to worry about him trying to con her now.

"Thanks," she said with a nod. "Appreciate that."

"There's a little extra in there, for your birthday," he said with a small smile. He didn't often remember dates but Alexia's birthday was always one of them. Why, he'd never know, but it was rooted in there with Bridget and Conor's. Abby's was a stretch. "Buy yourself a little something?"

She smiled at that. "Thank you, I can't believe you remembered." He beamed, proud of himself, and leaned in to give her a final kiss but she refused it, shaking her head and pointing to the clock. "Time's up, Mr Donovan." She stood up and walked him to the foyer. She called the elevator and watched as he filed away his belongings in his pockets. Handing him his shoes as the elevator pinged to announce its arrival, she pressed a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"I'll see you next month."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note - please forgive the shorter chapter but you'll see that it is kind of a standalone! S x**

* * *

There was nothing in this world Ray hated more than being dragged to the mall. The Grove was one of those places filled with vacuous idiots and overprivileged teenagers wasting money on crap. Not that Bridget was acting any differently as she and Abby fawned over a pair of shoes in the window. Conor has given up an hour ago and was sitting eating ice cream in the food court. Ray was just waiting, he knew he'd be given a shout soon enough when Abby wanted to borrow his credit card.

He sat on the fountain, leaning his elbows on his knees and watching his girls with the usual determination. He rubbed his eyes for a second with his thumbs, he was tired, again. That immense peace he had found a few nights earlier simply refused to come back and he hated it. He needed to sleep, but his mind was racing at a speed of knots. Between the issues at school and those damn noisy neighbours, his home life was as stressful as work. And work was always stressful.

As he blinked his eyes again and replaced his sunglasses, he paused. Was that...? He frowned as he stood quickly, watching her slip past.

"No way, no goddamn way."

How he had never seen Alexia outside of her home environment in four years, he actually had no idea. Seeing her here, shopping, like a normal person, made his head buzz with confusion. It didn't seem right, she was a little secret section of his mind.

He watched as she ditched an empty coffee cup and checked her phone before heading into a pretty little lingerie boutique. Ray didn't mean to follow her, he just kind of gravitated after her without meaning to. He watched from outside as the blonde desk girl offered to help but was dismissed. He chuckled to himself, he knew she'd know what she wanted.

She carefully fingered a few items of clothing, her perfect French manicure at odds with the black and purple lace she touched. Her hands ghosted over a babydoll and he almost growled in his desperation for her to pick it up. When she did, when he saw her slip to the changing room, he frowned.

Striding at full pace down the storefronts, he yanked Abby's arm with a rough determination. "I need you," he muttered. Bridget looked enormously put out at the interruption and he handed her a wad of cash. "Go try them on and get them if you like them," he said firmly, giving her a bit of a shove towards the store door as he pulled Abby behind him to the lingerie place. He almost dragged her in in his desperation to be in there, get in there, nearer her.

"Ray, whaddaya doing?" Abby said in surprise, looking around at the expensive clothing. Ray was already looking at everything Alexia had touched and picking it out for his wife. He'd fuck her in it and dream of another woman, that's what he would do.

"Go try these on," he ordered gruffly. Abby smiled as she looked over them. They weren't her usual style, she went for pretty pastels and the occasional cream, but he seemed to know what he wanted. It was an enormous compliment.

Ray followed her to the dressing room. He flung himself down on the velvet couch but his anxiety made him stand up again with a few seconds. What the hell was wrong with him? Of course she had to leave her home, go out, shop. She was probably buying that damn birthday present he had suggested. He chuckled darkly to himself, wouldn't that just be typical?

He could hear her humming. She was singing softly to herself, somehow he couldn't have found the sound more delightful if he had tried. He closed his eyes, just that noise in his ears filled him with an immense calm. As if she could hear him, she suddenly stopped. Ray felt his wave of peace disappear in an instant.

"Excuse me?"

That voice, her voice. It seemed so out of place outside of her home. He watched as she drew the curtain just a little, her bare back to the corridor of the dressing room.

"Could you just help me adjust this?"

The wardrobe attendant happened to have just stepped away. Glancing around, Ray took a step towards her and obliged. His fingers worked carefully over the perfect lace straps as he fitted them, he was overwhelmed by the desire to touch her. He drew the ribbon on either side and pulled it tight, with enough force that he knew she would like it. She inhaled heavily at the sensation and twisted her neck to see him.

Before she could say his name, Ray had slammed her into the dressing room with full force. Her shoulder blades pressed against the cold mirrored glass as he clamped his hand over her mouth until she could even realise what was happening. Her dark eyes looked up at him, confused and flooded with desire, as he forced his finger beneath her panties and felt her.

"Hush," he whispered, pressing his mouth up against hers. His tongue overpowered hers in an instant, overwhelming her in his determination to satisfy her. His thumb circled her as he sank his fingers into her, his rough touch softening as he felt her. Her eyes closed, he could see the pleasure sweeping her face and it made him smile to know how turned on she was by their secret rendezvous.

Her body grew tight, the circumstances alone made her want to come at his touch. Feeling his mouth on hers, obsessive, possessive, gave her chills. Her whole being felt like it was on fire as he worked against her. He drew her leg around his waist as he pressed her back harder, his forehead against the glass. There were too many mirrors in this damn room, all he could see was every angle of her body and it drove him insane.

Ray bit down on her lip and grinned wickedly as she suppressed the yelp that wanted to roll off her tongue. She murmured ever so slightly and he worked faster and more intently to bring her to a desperate, silent orgasm.

"Ray?"

Abby's voice shattered the come down from their rush. Ray motioned for Alexia to keep her silence, she was still trying to recover the strength in her legs. Their bodies stilled against each other, their hearts pounding in their chests in a syncopated rhythm with one another's as Alexia tried to regain a sense of composure.

He could hear Abby shift the curtain again and stick out her head to call him again. After a moment, she huffed and pulled it back again. Sure that she was secured in her room again, Ray let go of Alexia, pressing her to sit for a moment to gather herself. Without another word, he slipped back out to the shop floor.

Abby yanked the curtain back in annoyance as she walked out of the changing room and frowned as she saw him standing, waiting patiently.

"Didn't you hear me call you?"

Ray shrugged and shook his head, motioning to his phone. "I stepped out, took a call." He smiled, trying not to think about the other woman in the dressing room that he so desperately wanted to fuck. "You like any of them?" Abby nodded shyly and he prised it from her hands. "Go check on Bridge," he insisted. "I'll get this."

She liked it when he was so commanding. With a little flirty smile, she pressed a gentle kiss on his cheek and squeezed his hand as she slipped out of the door. Ray laughed to himself as he took it to the counter.

"This, please," he said. His intimidating presence made the clerk giggle and blush as she took out some pink tissue paper to wrap it up. "Plus there's a girl in the dressing room, tanned, tall, dark hair. Little beauty spot just here," he added, pointing to the place on his own neck. "You charge whatever she gets to the same card, understood? No excuses."

"Yes sir," the clerk murmured. Ray nodded as he put his sunglasses on, he knew all too well that Alexia wouldn't give him the pleasure of looking her in the eye in the store. He didn't wait, but simply grabbed Abby's bag and swung it on his finger with a confident smile as he walked out of the store.

Bridget had the huge shoe-bag in her hand as he pushed Abby's gift into hers and pressed a kiss onto her temple.

"Shall we head home?" he asked, looking at them both. "I'm tired for a change, think I could do with a nap."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - Please enjoy, this obviously is in the M section for some, urm, naughty content but this is nothing compared to what's to come! ;) Ray gets a chance to sort out Conor's problems at school, and then takes a trip to see his brothers at the gym.**

* * *

Fucking Abby just didn't seem like fun any more. She was beautiful, sure, but he was kind of used to her face now. She would lie there, passive, letting him get his fill and it was boring. He wished she would slap him, or bite him, or dig her nails into his skin, anything to make him feel connected but she never did.

The morning was usually okay, she didn't wake up until he was inside her, hammering her furiously, and she would take it silently. But every night was the same damn thing, like she couldn't be bothered. Maybe she didn't enjoy it any more, Ray mused as he flipped her over and slammed into her. Any sound she bothered to make was instantly muffled by the pillow. Maybe she was too old for this, she certainly felt dry. Menopause. He shivered at the thought, instantly losing any shred of enthusiasm he had left.

"Did you come?"

That she even had to ask told him they didn't work together any more. Ray simply got out of bed and stumbled to the shower, his goddamn balls ached and he needed to release.

He hid under the water, burying his face in the stream of the shower as he leaned one arm against the tiled wall and used the other to try and regain some sort of erection to orgasm. Maybe he could think of her. Her in her little red dress and little Louboutins. He smiled as he pictured her wrapping her lips around one of those little coloured cigarettes, he could almost see her tongue shaping the smoke as she blew it out of her mouth.

It didn't take him long. His fist pounded the bathroom wall as he came and he swallowed down the guttural roar he wished he could have shared with her.

Abby was dressed by the time he came into the room again, she had showered in Bridget's room to speed the morning along. As Ray headed towards the door, grabbing his keys, she muttered,

"Where are ya going, Ray?"

Ray scowled. "To work. Got shit to do."

Abby put her hands on her hips and pouted, there was no way in hell. "No. Conor's meeting at school, we talked about this."

Fuck. Ray had forgotten. He had spent all night awake, knowing there was something he had to do but totally unaware of what it was. He wrinkled his nose, this was not what he wanted today.

"I have to see-"

"I don't even care, Ray." Abby was adamant. "What kind of example are you setting for your son, huh? Avoiding responsibility like that? Telling him it's okay not to care?"

He groaned loudly, if he said he didn't give a damn she'd never stop, "Fine," he muttered bluntly. "But you take your own car, I got business to deal with as soon as this shit's done."

Abby begrudgingly accepted and Ray hurried out. Slipping into his Mercedes, he turned the air conditioning up to the max to try and cool himself down, he was feeling hot and frustrated. Pulling out his phone, he texted,

_Can we meet?_

He drove off quickly and waited for a response, checking his phone way too often to see if she had answered. He tapped the call button for Avi and waited for him to answer.

"Yes boss?"

Ray cut across the lane as he almost missed the exit and gave the driver behind him the finger as they beeped loudly.

"Need you to call Ezra, tell him I can't do today. Gotta go off grid for a coupla hours."

Avi was already dialling. "No worries, everything okay?"

"Yeah." Ray didn't like to talk a lot. "Then check with Terry if I can come use the ring. I gotta get some fucking energy out of me."

"You got it, boss."

Ray took the turning into the school grounds and parked up at the front. He groaned as he spotted the other car, he knew it was some big shot lawyer asshole's. Trust Conor to pick the worst kid in the school to punch.

"Fuck."

Abby drew up beside him, she looked seriously irate. She slammed his car door shut for him as he got out.

"You cut me off, Ray, you would have caused an accident!"

"I had to take a call." Ray put his hand on her elbow. "Lower your voice."

Just saying that annoyed her more. Abby stormed ahead of him toward the principal's officer, the other father was already sitting there.

"Donovan."

"Mr Potter," Abby said with huge apology in her eyes as she shook his hand before Ray could get to it. "I am so sorry we are meeting like this."

Ray's phone buzzed and Abby glared at him, almost daring him to take the call. He gave Potter a tight smile and stepped away. It was Avi.

"Ezra's pissed but he will cope," he said. "Terry says any time from two works for him."

He nodded and slipped the phone away as the receptionist came out to greet them. What a waste of his time, Conor would only kick this asshole's kid again anyway and they'd end up here again. Taking Abby's hand supportively, he smiled at everyone.

"So let's all talk."

He took the prime seat in the room in an instant, it put Potter's nose out of joint from the get go. The lawyer looked at Ray in annoyance and looked beseechingly to the principal.

"This isn't complicated, Mr Mattheson, his son punched my son in the face."

That was the only fact they all knew for sure but Ray was quick to jump to Conor's defence. "Conor's not proactive, he's reactive. Now I don't know what else happened, but it's not a simple as that. Conor's not a bully, but he gets defensive."

Abby looked at him speaking with wonder, it seemed incredible to hear him so tuned in to his children. She nodded to back him up as Ray looked at Potter with a casual smile. Potter, on the other hand, shook his head.

"Your kid's going around telling everyone he's friends with Tommy Wheeler."

"He_ is_ friends with Tommy Wheeler," Ray corrected. "He's a client of my best friend's, Tommy comes by the house a lot. He's in town at the moment, promoting a film. Do you want to come?"

Potter looked monumentally frustrated as Mattheson beamed, his shiny round head glistening under the light as he looked between them. "I think Mr Donovan is offering an excellent mutual ground for the boys, don't you think? This is wonderful, just wonderful."

"Your kid apologises to mine," Potter muttered in annoyance. Ray shrugged.

"He won't apologise for something he didn't do," he said. "But offer's on the table." He stood up and rebuttoned his jacket. "I'm sorry I can't stay longer, but I think we've found something to work on."

He walked out, leaving Abby to wrap up the meeting. Ray just wanted to get away, he had so much to get done and now his appointment at the gym was set, he at least had something to aim for that afternoon. Driving around, sitting in traffic, whatever he was doing, he was realistically thinking about sparring and obsessing about Alexia calling him back.

When he arrived, Bunchy was full of nervous excitement as he bounced around Ray at the entrance to the gym. Ray was pretty sure he had never seen him in such a state.

"Mickey been around?" he asked. Bunchy shook his head.

"Ray, seriously. Terry took on this new client, one-on-one, lunch time appointment." He skipped up the stairs in excitement. "Wanted to box, he thought it was a dude. Turns out..." He held his hand on the door for a second and caught Ray's eye. "She's not."

Ray almost laughed. "Terry getting kicks punching a girl now?" He rolled his eyes, whatever made the gym money, he guessed.

"She's fucking hot," Bunchy said, stopping Ray from entering. "But it's, like, private so you have to wait ten minutes until they're done."

Ray snorted as he looked at him. "Are you seriously going to stop me going in there?" Bunchy looked like he might be up for the fight but then paused and shook his head, stepping aside nervously as his older brother took control. Ray gave him a nudge aside as he pulled the door back and looked up at the ring.

Terry was barking, telling her to keep her hands up over her face. Ray smirked a little as he approached the ring, watching her tight little body twisting and weaving around the canvas. She wore tight black shorts and a cropped top, both with white ribbing, and she ducked and bounced on command. Ray watched the sweat dripping down her abs as she moved.

"And stop." Terry patted her shoulder and she lowered her arms. Ray let out a possessive growl as he saw Lexi standing up there, wiping the perspiration from her brow with her forearm.

"You gotta be shitting me."

His rough tone caught her attention in an instant. She froze, unsure of what to do. They had never really laid down rules about what would happen if they came face-to-face but she knew that even Ray's own office didn't know about their rendezvous.

Ray didn't care. He grabbed onto the ropes and pulled himself up into the ring. He stared at her, making no effort to hide his interest, and Terry glanced at Bunchy.

"I told you to keep him downstairs. It's a private lesson."

"It's okay," Alexia said calmly, trying to keep control of the situation. "It's not a problem."

"Yeah, it is." Terry was furious. "I said two o'clock Ray." He looked apologetically at Alexia. "I am so sorry, this is my brother, Ray."

Ray extended his hand to shake hers, she gave him an awkward kind of fist bump with her boxing glove. Taking off his jacket and shoes, Ray smirked a little as he laid them all out on the corner of the canvas. Wallet, phones, keys. It was eerily familiar.

"You want to box?" She nodded. "Women shouldn't fight."

A small smile played on her lips as she pushed her damp hair back from her face. "Women who get assaulted in public areas should be able to protect themselves."

Assaulted? He laughed, that was just like her to tease him with something like that. He'd teach her a lesson for that later.

"You want to box?" he repeated coolly. He flexed his fingers and slipped off his wedding ring. Terry could already tell where he was going and shook his head.

"No way, Ray," he said firmly. Alexia watched with amusement as Ray unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off.

"Do you?" she asked challengingly. "I might be new but I've got some killer moves."

Ray laughed. "Yeah, I bet you do," he said coolly, staring at her and making no effort to hide the way he was looking at her body. Terry moved between them awkwardly.

"Miss Stranhope, please-"

"Lexi, it's Lexi," she insisted with a smile. "It's okay. I'm sure you taught him everything you know."

That was all he needed. Ray wound his fist back and gave her a gentle punch to the shoulder. She returned with a sharp, strong right hook. Ray laughed at the force, she was much stronger than he had anticipated.

"Nice," he said, looking over approvingly at Terry. "Impressive."

Before he could even turn back to look at her, she came at him with a few sharp jabs and a kick to his inner leg that knocked Ray to the floor through lack of concentration. He grunted as he fell onto his knee and yanked her down hard, pulling her flat to the mat and straddling her.

"Very impressive," he muttered as he leaned over her, his voice just loud enough for her to hear. "Why'd you not message me back?"

"You have your appointment set," she whispered as she scrambled out of his grip. "I don't have time."

"Make time," he demanded. "I have to see you tonight."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - Just a little playful banter here to establish a few things - hope it doesn't feel too much like fluff! It'll all make sense at the right time ;-)**

Usually, Ray lined his belongings up neatly on the table but this time, he literally hurled them on the surface and kicked off his shoes. Nudging them out of the way with his toe, he stalked into the living room and flung his suit jacket on the armchair.

Lexi was sitting on the couch, reading, her long limbs stretched out to cover the entire seat. She didn't move to welcome him in, just looked up over her book for a second before returning her attention to the page in front of her.

"What was that about?" Ray demanded furiously. "You? The gym?"

She could see this was going to be one of those tempestuous evenings for him. Slowly, at her own pace, she closed her book and out it neatly, squarely on the glass coffee table.

"Would you like a drink?"

She didn't wait for an answer but got up and got him the usual. As she put it down in front of him, Ray scowled but accepted it anyway as he waited for an answer.

"You said I should try the gym," she said. "So I did."

"You should have told me," Ray muttered. She smiled a little.

"Why? So you could have been there from the start of class?" She patted his cheek as she passed him and motioned for him to sit beside her. "Pervert."

Was she wearing that underwear? He was sure she was, her swollen breasts looked too perfect with every breath she took. Ray couldn't tear his eyes away from her, it seemed like a waste of time not to be looking, studying her, committing her to memory for next time he needed a boost with Abby.

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy that," he muttered, the smallest of smirks on his lips. "I know you did. I felt you, remember?"

"You caught me off guard," she said. "We need to revisit the rules of meeting outside of our usual appointment. Like now," she added, nodding toward the clock. "Why are you here, Ray? It's not just to talk about the gym."

Of course it wasn't just that, but suddenly Ray wasn't entirely sure why he had been so desperate to see her tonight. Maybe it was his little fantasy in the shower. Maybe it was knowing that she would help him sleep again, his body felt tired and she could fix that.

"You shouldn't box with Terry," Ray said, trying to keep his focus on the practical in preference to whatever emotional mess was taunting him. "If you're going to fight, you fight with me."

"You don't have time for a weekly lunch time appointment to teach me how to defend myself," she laughed, pulling an ice cube from her drink and touching it to her throat. She was too warm, he had this way of making her feel so flushed. Ray watched the water trail on her skin and licked his lips.

"I'll make time."

She slapped his knee and smiled. "I knew you knew how to make time," she teased. "Now you just need to do it for your family as well as your mistress."

Ray snorted, she always called herself that. It was like a defence mechanism, she never dared make herself vulnerable to him, it was too much of a risk.

"Who did you buy that underwear for?" Ray demanded, looking at her and holding her ankle to stop her from slipping away. Lexi scowled.

"Can't a girl wear nice things for herself?"

"You got a boyfriend now?" He didn't like the idea of anybody else fucking her, she was his, his secret to enjoy. She laughed at that.

"What's the matter, Donovan? Are you jealous?"

He leaned over her and kissed her fiercely, his lips possessing hers. His tongue overpowered hers until she was numb and speechless. "I don't like sharing."

"Neither do I." She looked at him through her long eyelashes. "But what can a girl do but find herself alternate options?"

Ray frowned, his expression growing dark. "You fuck any of your other clients?"

"Not the therapy ones," she winked. He gave her hip a slap as he moved over her, pinning her down. Alexia ran her hand along his jaw, her fingertips tiptoeing along his skin.

"I bet nobody else can make you come like I do." Ray nibbled along her jaw, ravenous for her. She pushed her hand against his chest.

"You wanted an appointment, Ray. Do you want to talk or are you here to fuck?" She could tell what the answer was and she shook her head. "Because I don't take kindly to violent demands for meetings." He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again and she sighed. "Let me guess, not sleeping again?"

"I never sleep without you," he muttered. "I only got a nap on Saturday because I could smell you on my damn skin."

It was so crude a thought that she shivered. Pulling herself away from him, she stood up and paced the room to get a little distance. Ray stretched out on his back on the couch, his arm behind his head as he stared up at the slowly-rotating ceiling fan.

"So you want to have sex with me so you can sleep?" She laughed, biting at her nail as she thought on it. "Freud would say-"

"Fuck Freud." His words were harsh but she laughed them off.

"Well he'd definitely have something to say about that," she joked, keeping control. "Does sex make your body tired, Ray? Does it exhaust you? Physically, mentally?"

He glanced over at her. "Sex with you exhausts me."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she murmured with a secret smile. "How are things with Abby?"

He shook his head. "Don't talk about her, Lex."

"But we have to," she said bluntly. "She's your wife. Are you having sex?" He didn't answer. "Daily?"

"She doesn't seem interested," he muttered. Sitting up on the couch, he dug his wallet out of his pocket and sifted through it to pull out a dozen hundred dollar bills. Alexia watched him, mortified as he tossed them on the table. "This is on top of your usual packet, just fuck me and shut up with your shrink shit."

She stared at him. "You're meant to leave that outside," she said, furious that he had broken one of her rules. Ray shrugged as he stood up and paced towards her, his huge body dwarfing hers as he backed her to the fireplace.

"So sue me," he muttered. There was something dangerous in his eyes, a sort of disconnect that flickered through him and made her feel nervous. Picking her up in his arms, he carried her through to the bedroom, his mouth seeking hers just to stop her protestations. She'd never object, to him or to the money, he knew her well enough to be sure of that. "Give me what I need, and I'll be outta your hair until I see you next week in the ring."

"This can't work like this, Ray," she objected as he started to tear her clothes away. She gasped as his lips wrapped around her nipple, suckling on her as he dropped her skirt. She was wearing that stuff, he just knew she had been.

"You're overthinking." The flat of his tongue worked down her torso and abdomen greedily, like he could taste every inch of her. "Aristotle would tell you off."

She rolled her eyes, he could be a damned smarmy asshole when he wanted to be. Instead she pulled his head down between her legs, closing her eyes as he kissed her intimately. Her breath grew tight in her chest as his tongue washed over her, starving.

"You can't condition yourself on me," she whispered as his hands gripped her legs tight, digging into her skin in a bid to keep her still. Pausing, he crawled over her and kissed her, letting her taste herself on his tongue.

"I already have," he murmured. "Now just shut up and we'll talk over breakfast."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - Oh dear, even Robin Thicke would be proud of Ray's blurred lines now...! Things with Alexia get a little too intimate in the gym and Ray is on damage limitation. Enjoy!**

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When Alexia turned up for her next appointment at the Donovan gym, she sure as hell didn't expect Ray to be sitting there on the edge of the ring, waiting for her. She looked at him with uncertainty, glancing at Terry who waved his hands in despair. "Believe me, I tried," he said apologetically. Bunchy haunted around them with a nervous giggle, looking at Lexi in her little pencil skirt and shirt. Ray was equally taken by the sight of her, he'd never seen her so properly dressed. Usually it was dress, but the suit was something else.

"You don't mind?"

The delight in his eyes was one she didn't want to destroy. He looked that happy after hours of exhaustive fucking and a good night's sleep, it seemed cruel to deny him. She shrugged a little and looked at Terry. "If you think he'll be okay?"

Terry laughed at that. "He's good, I haven't managed to get him in a ring for a long time so you must have a magic touch or something."

Ray almost had to shove his hand in his mouth to not say something. Lexi gave him a warning look as she headed toward the changing room. By the time she returned, Ray had changed too, the shirt and smart pants gone, just a white wife-beater and some dark jogging bottoms on his lower half. She tried her best to suppress her desire to just stare at him, she had to be professional, in front of his family at least. Last thing she needed was Abby to hear anything, that would be the end of a very lucrative arrangement for her and she just couldn't afford that.

"So you were assaulted, huh?" Ray asked with a wry smile, trying to suppress his wicked glee, as he started to bounce around the ring. He motioned for her to raise her hands, she kept them up in front of her face to protect herself as he moved around her.

"Yeah," she said bluntly. "Some creep in a shopping mall."

"You gotta watch those bastards. Probably one of those married-with-kids shits." He jabbed at her and she shot back out of his reach, defending herself carefully. Ray nodded approvingly and Terry gave her a cheer from the side. "So you want to learn defence?"

"I want to learn to protect myself," she replied, glancing at him over her gloves for a second. He swung at her and she blocked it before taking the opportunity to swing at him right back. She caught his chest and he grunted at the impact.

"Good girls always have protection," he teased. Terry rolled his eyes, she'd probably fire him for being sexist now. He was surprised when Lexi sparred right back.

"Even good girls make mistakes," she replied, swinging her leg around in a kick like Terry had taught her to. Ray grabbed her ankle and tossed her flat to the floor, she landed with a thud and grunted as she put her hands down to support herself as she got up again, ready to go again.

"Jab, hook, uppercut." Ray demonstrated each move in the sequence and squared up against her. "Go. Until you're exhausted." She launched at him, doing each shot one-by-one. Her arms were tired after a few repetitions but Ray wouldn't let up on her. "Come on, you've got more than that in you, I can just tell." He smirked. "I bet you can go for hours."

"Ray!" Terry was red with embarrassment. "Lexi, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," she panted as she kept up her rhythm. "Makes me focus on what sexist, misogynistic assholes are like."

Ray unexpectedly slammed his body weight into her, knocking her back against the ropes with force. Lexi yelped as he crushed her body with his own, she could feel every single muscle of him tight and taut against her as his lips ghosted hers, just out of Terry's line of vision. She tasted of sweat and it filled him with an indescribable desire to take control of her. His body shielded her from view as his gloved hand grabbed her wrist roughly, holding it tight against the rope, chafing her skin.

She jumped suddenly in his grip as the door to the office slammed and she looked up. Terry twisted to see Bunchy had stormed off and Ray frowned. He beckoned Terry into the ring to take over as he slipped out of the ring and jumped down to follow his brother. He pulled off his gloves and tossed them at the wall as he swung the door open.

"You okay?"

Bunchy's eyes narrowed as he looked up from over the desk, he was fiddling with a string of paperclips he had started to put together in a desperate bid to sum up the courage to confront Ray's behaviour. Ray tried to work out what had set him off but it was always impossible to tell with his strange little brother. He moved to put his hand on him but Bunchy pulled back.

"I saw you," he said accusatorially. He whined nervously as he saw Ray's eyes flicker. "I saw you kiss her."

"You're outta ya mind," Ray said, his tone instantly defensive. "You didn't see shit."

Bunchy shook his head. "No, no, Ray, I saw you. I saw you kiss her, you had your damn mouth all over her." He swallowed and stopped still. "You gotta tell Abby, Ray."

Jesus Christ, this was not what he needed, right now or ever. Ray shook his head and leaned imposingly over the desk, repeating slowly, "You. Didn't. See. Shit." Bunch's lip wobbled at his brother's rough tone and he stared at him blankly for a moment before his eyes darted away, fearful.

"I'm sorry."

Ray rubbed his jaw, there had to be a way out of this one. He glanced back towards the gym through the glass panel, he could see Lexi bobbing and weaving and jumping around on Terry's command. He was wasting valuable time, he needed to get back out there. It was crazy to be squandering his efforts with his brother when she was just on the other side of the damn door. "She's not into me, I think she's got more hots for you," he said, tapping Bunchy's shoulder. Bunchy's eyes lit up at the thought and he stared dreamily out at the gym floor.

"Really?"

He'd have to swing this one. Ray nodded and slapped his back. "Yeah. You should ask her on a date or something, Bunch, I bet she's a real peach."

Bunchy shook his head nervously, he would never do that and Ray knew it. He'd have to beg Lexi to play a little softer with his youngest brother, he was pretty sure it'd cost him another couple of hundred bucks a month but rather that than take the risk of Bunchy's suspicions. For a slow guy, he was frighteningly astute about the smallest things. Ray slipped back out into the gym and hauled himself back up onto the canvas.

"Where did we leave off?" he asked. Lexi clicked her neck to either side and listened to her spine click, the sound filled Ray with delight. He wet his lips and started to bring his fists up to give her a little bare-knuckle box when she shook her head.

"Think we're about to call it a day," Terry said. "Sore quads, right?"

"I'm not used to this kind of workout," she smiled sweetly, rubbing her damp hair back from her eyes. "All the crouching, squats, not my kinda thing. Thighs are kinda painful."

"I'll rub 'em out." It wasn't a request. Ray motioned for her to lie down and, hesitantly, she did, dropping down to the mat at his feet on his command. Terry watched as Ray did the usual stretch, bending Lexi's legs back towards her and holding her knees to her stomach. "How does that feel?"

"Tight."

It was the worst possible word she could have used, now all he could do was think about fucking her like this. On her back, on the floor, pinning her knees back, her pussy hugging him as he screwed her hard enough to coat her back in carpet burns. His fingers worked harder, firmer, controlling her and flexing her as he moved her around him. To Terry, it looked perfectly normal. To her, it was anything but.

"Stretch here," he commanded, bending her knee into a right-angle and folding it over her. He crawled over her, stretching her arms out either side, and he twisted her head to one side, holding her shoulder down as he stretched her back out carefully. Momentarily isolated, he whispered, "You gotta flirt with Bunch. He thinks something's going on." She rolled her eyes, not surprised, and sighed outwardly as he re-arranged her body to pull her the other way. "Can I have you tonight?"

"Once a month, Mr Donovan. I'm an expensive habit to maintain."

He smiled a little as he sat back on his knees and helped her up to her own. "I'm a very rich man," he teased softly. "Nobody's getting this fuck but you, Lex, so schedule it, I'll be there at midnight." He jumped up to his feet and gave her his hand to bring her to stand. "And, uh, wear the suit," he added in a rough growl. "That's an order."

"You want stockings and suspenders too, boss?" she joked as she saw Terry retreating to the office. She could tell Ray was delighted by the idea and she gave him a playful slap. "I can't tonight, Ray, I've got stuff to do."

"Clear it," he demanded. She shook her head.

"You can't keep messing up my schedule," she frowned, her eyebrows furrowing in a way that only made her look more tempting to him. "You're throwing my calendar out."

"You got a social life, sweetheart?" he smirked. "At midnight?"

He lifted her down from the ring and she smiled a little as her damp body slid down his. His vest was tight to him, his sweat soaking through it, and it took him a moment to remember to let go of her as her feet touched the ground.

"I got beauty sleep to catch up on," she replied, stepping back to put a little distance between them as Bunchy edged around, picking up damp towels from the gym benches. She smiled at him and thanked him as he took hers and offered her a fresh one. Ray waited for him to leave before he leaned forward and growled,

"No excuses. Twelve o'clock, Stranhope. Suit and suspenders," he added. "And stilettos. High enough so when I fuck you against the island, you can still stand."

She laughed as she walked away from him towards the changing room. Where did he get off with such ludicrous demands? She chuckled at herself as she looked at her reflection, pulling her stomach in tight and running her hand down her torso to look at her toned shape. Who was she kidding? She loved his attention, his demands were a phenomenal turn on. He'd turn up and she'd let him in, just like she always did.


	6. Chapter 6

Now, waiting for Wednesday every week was as painful and nerve-wracking as that first Friday of the month used to be. Ray awoke early one Monday morning to find himself sprawled, fully dressed, on the bed in his apartment. He wiped the sticky spit from his jaw and looked at the table, he'd drank most of a bottle of scotch just to get to sleep.

His phone was full of angry texts from Abby, he rubbed his eyes as he read them over. Something about looking at some woman in a restaurant. He chuckled and tossed his cell on the pillow. The girl had been wearing Louboutins and those red bases had given him an erection in an instant. It hadn't been her, it was just those goddamn shoes.

He showered and rustled through his wardrobe for new clothes. Thank God he had a cleaner giving this place the once-over regularly, it was much easier to be able to know that he could just drop in when he needed some space. He wondered what Alexia was up to absently, she was probably still in bed. He smiled, just a little, as he thought about her. She'd be wearing a figure-hugging nightdress, silk or satin, those were her only options, her face nestled in her hair on the pillow. Smiling, she was always smiling as she dreamt.

"Freud'd probably say something about that," he muttered to himself as he snatched up his phone. Maybe he should go and see her, take her coffee. She might like that.

He hadn't been by her office in years. He knew where it was, in the first few months he used to actually go there for appointments. They would talk and then fuck on the patient's couch until neither of them could even manage to string a sentence together, then spend the rest of the night with cheap Chinese food and expensive wine.

As he pulled up with a strong, strong coffee - just the way she liked it - he saw her leaving. She was dressed smartly, she looked professional with her hair clipped neatly back from her face. She slipped into a waiting car and Ray, instead of going home like he should have, didn't even hesitate before he pulled out to follow her.

"Now what are you up to, little miss?" he murmured as he dropped back a couple of cars. She had no reason to look out for him, it wasn't like her to be suspicious either.

He followed her though the area to a house about fifteen minutes away. It was normal enough, a little place in a tidy row. She tipped the cab driver and hopped out, glancing around as she tiptoed to the front door. Ray watched her knock once before she was let in by a tall, handsome-looking guy who leaned on the doorframe as he welcomed her. She hugged him for a long moment and he pressed a loving kiss on her head as he yanked her inside with him.

"You little goddamn sneak."

Why he was so angry to see her with another man made no sense to him but it didn't stop the rage that swelled in his stomach. She always joked about it but here she was, making an outcall to fuck some other guy. Part of him knew he should drive away but the other part of him wanted to sit and wait, torturing himself. Would they be quick? Was it a fumble or could this jerk give her something he couldn't? He was sure his dick was shrinking in his pants at the very thought. He wanted to be her everything and he simply... wasn't.

He sloped down in his seat as he saw her appear in the upstairs bedroom at the front. She yanked the curtain across roughly, a smile on her face as she did. Knowing they were about to fuck filled him with inexpressible sadness. This must be what she felt every time he left, every time he went back to Abby. He hated it.

He leaned forward to silence his phone as it started to ring. Lena. He sighed and sent it to answerphone, but it rang again.

"Yeah?"

He could hear Lena sucking on her teeth for a second. "Everything okay?"

Ray groaned, he swore he could see the curtains moving. "What do you need?"

He clearly didn't want to talk. She pinched her nose and ran her hand through her hair. "Ezra's been trying to get hold of you." Ray didn't answer. "Is this a bad time? Are you with your family?"

Ray laughed darkly at that. "Kinda," he said. "I'll call him."

Lena opened her mouth to object but he had already hung up. Ray couldn't take making conversation, not when his mind was buzzing with all the things he wanted to say to the girl in that house.

He switched off his phone and waited for almost three hours before she resurfaced from the place. The guy didn't show her out, she simply trotted gracefully out, looking just as flawless as she had when she had gone in.

She walked along the street for ten minutes or so, looking for a cab. After a while, Ray eased forward and rolled his window down.

"Care for a ride?"

She looked at him in surprise but smiled. She rested her hand on the window and leaned down.

"Are you sure? I was just heading to the gym, had to reschedule with your brother, I have an appointment on Wednesday."

Ray smiled, silently irked that Terry had 'forgotten' to mention that. "No worries, it's on my way."

He watched as her long legs folded into the seat beside him. She smelled different, not of the usual soap but perfume. It was intoxicating, that damn smell, it made him want to eat her there and then.

"Fancy running into you here." It seemed awkward, sitting in his car. She had never been in his Mercedes before, with its dark leather seats and tinted windows. "Business in the neighbourhood?"

"Always," Ray muttered. He glanced over at her. "And you?"

She smiled and looked out of the window, avoiding his eyes. "Personal matters," she said gently. Ray frowned, was she wearing lipstick? She never wore lipstick for him, he kind of wanted it smeared over his chest as she kissed down his stomach to blow him. The thought of it staining his cock distracted him and he slammed his breaks to stop at a red light.

"Jesus, sorry," he muttered. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"For some reason I always thought you'd be a good driver," she joked. "You live, you learn."

He forced a smile, but he wasn't interested in that. He desperately wanted to ask her where she had been, who that meathead was. That she was playing it so nonchalantly bothered him.

"You, uh, meet someone?" he asked, looking at her as he waited for the light to change. "You're all, you know, dolled up."

She laughed and twisted her neck to look at him. "You jealous?" she teased. He smirked.

"Kinda." He wished he could smell her, that scent she had when they'd had sex, but the perfume was confusing him. She laughed and waved her hand at him dismissively.

"I've got a whole life you don't know anything about, Mr Donovan," she murmured as he pulled up at the gym. She reached to get out but Ray locked the doors from his side and took her hand.

"You got some time tonight?" he asked. "Nothing funny. Just talk, and a drink."

They both knew it would never work out that way, but she nodded. "I can make some," she said. "I was going to wash my hair but-"

Ray reached over, stroking it with far more affection than he should. "It looks perfect. You look perfect." He couldn't help himself, all he wanted to do was lean across and kiss her but he was stilled by the sound of Bunchy ringing the bell on that damn bicycle of his. Alexia looked up and waved at him as he rode past them.

"Come over," she said softly. "Nine o'clock, so you can be home by midnight." At least it was an aim, Ray smiled and nodded. He unlocked the car and she pushed a kiss on his cheek, just catching the corner of his lips, before jumping out with her bags and walking into the gym.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N - A lovely long Ray Donovan chapter for you guys, I'm not gonna lie, this one made me tear up a little so enjoy it!**

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When the lift doors slid open, Ray was greeted to the unusual sight of Alexia arranging the flowers in the hall. He watched for a brief second as she drew out one pink rose, turning it in her fingers, and breathed in the smell of the swollen petals before she placed it back in its rightful place in the vase. Ray slipped out in silence and put his arms around her, holding her close to him as he nibbled the shell of her ear, his hips rocking gently against hers as she closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of his protective grip on her body.

"Good evening, Mr Donovan," she murmured, craning her neck to look up at him. Ray looked down at the soft, tanned expanse of her neck and smiled as he started to kiss along it, gently, purposefully.

"Good evening, Miss Stranhope." He started towards the living room with her but she gave him a tap and winked.

"Shoes off."

Ray kicked them off hurriedly and dropped what he could from his pockets on the table as fast as he was able to before following her in and grabbing her roughly from behind, swinging her up in the air and making her squeal. Something about seeing her doing something so innocent and domestic made him want her even more than he already did. He started to slip his hands up beneath her skirt when she chided him with her eyes and gave his hand a tap away.

"Don't you want a drink?"

"All I need to taste is you." He moved towards her until the backs of her knees hit the sofa and she fell backwards with a giggle. Ray flung his jacket on the side as he climbed on top of her, shifting her to the perfect position to straddle as he leaned over her, his mouth exploring hers with a need he would never be able to express. Lexi leaned up on her elbows but he knocked her back down instantly, he wanted to control every single movement today, he wanted it to be just the way he wanted it. His tongue swam over hers in firm, wet strokes, possessing her. The way she gasped for breath sent a chill through him and he growled as he pulled her arms up above her head with one hand as he started to unbutton her shirt.

He didn't need to say a lot, he didn't want to. All he wanted was to take over her entire body and make her shake with pleasure. He fully intended to give her wave after wave of orgasm, it was all he could think of now he'd started to. It was all he had been thinking of for hours.

"Let me take you to bed," he muttered as he buried his face between her breasts, kissing her curves hungrily. He was already yanking her up, keeping her legs tight around his waist as he stood. She laughed as he tossed her up, supporting her weight with ease as he carried her through the apartment to her bedroom. It was perfect, as always, but Ray wanted to leave it a mess. He wanted to fuck her against every goddamn surface in the place.

When he dropped her down, he undid his belt quickly and looped it around her wrists. Alexia looked up in surprise as he tightened it, her arms above her head, and tied the rest of the strap to the headboard to stop her from moving. "Ray," she murmured, not sure if she was comfortable with such a presumption. He ignored her and just said,

"Trust me."

He worked his fingers quickly over the last part of her shirt and pushed it back onto her shoulders. Her bra was still in the way, he hated that, but instead of undoing it, he tugged the cups down to expose her nipples, pushing her breasts into firmer, rounder curves that made him growl like an animal as he watched them rising and falling with every breath. He watched her steadily, not even looking at what he was doing as he fumbled with the zipper of her skirt and dragged it away from her. He could smell her, it was like she was on heat, her pheromones were making him crazy.

He smiled approvingly as he looked at her pretty little panties, olive green lace against her tanned skin. She always knew how to dress, she was always perfectly matched. Abby always threw on whatever she could find, sets were a thing of the past but Alexia... for her, everything had to be just right. He lifted her ass in his hands and raised her to his lips. He buried his nose against her pussy, taking a deep, hungry breath as his tongue edged her underwear to the side, lapping at her and making her squirm in place.

"Ray, come on," she tried to gasp, but her breath was too tight in her body to even manage to be heard. Ray didn't care either way, she was already clamping her thighs around his ears as he buried his tongue deeper into her, swilling it around her clit and smiling as he felt her pulse in his mouth. She was so wet, even without the addition of his saliva on her body, and she tasted like goddamn heaven.

Lexi struggled against the restraint to try and reach him, she wanted to kiss him, his mouth was overpowering on her and she didn't want to come, not yet. Ray glanced up with one careful eye and, seeing the frustration in her face, he smiled. "Do you want something?" he asked, leaning up and prowling over her. Her heart was thudding in her ears, she didn't even hear him undo his pants and kick them off. The first she knew of his nakedness was the brute force of his cock shoving roughly into her. He clamped his hand over her mouth, knowing she wanted to cry out, and replaced his palm with his lips as quickly as he could. He felt the power swill through him as her moan echoed into his own, he had never fit so perfectly with another human being as he did with her.

Despite the fact that she was tied up and at his mercy, Ray moved with more gentleness than she was used to. He loved having the control over her, the control to make her scream, or to make her cry, or to make her come again and again and again, it was all up to him. And right now, he wanted to do something more than just fuck her. He was overtaken with the urge to make love to her, sweetly, to make every millimetre of her body feel like magic. He could feel the sweat between their bodies as they moved together in rhythm, he drew one leg around his waist and held her tighter, his kisses becoming more fervent, more passionate every time. His fingers toyed with her hair, he wanted it to be more than just another bit of sex.

Maybe that was what he'd never been able to give her. Maybe that was why she went to see the meathead. The thought made him angry and he focused to dispel the idea quickly before he grew violent again. He understood if she needed something emotional, he'd never been able to give it to her, even though this last few times it had been all he could think about.

She was looking at him. Ray felt his heart stop as those eyes gazed up at him, exploring his face with intrigue. She could feel the difference in him, something had changed but she didn't know what. As his lips ran softly against her jaw and along to her lips, she felt her breath growing tight, she wanted to come and she knew she was close. Drawing her head towards his, her arms strained back behind her, she whispered,

"I want to feel you."

He leaned his forehead on hers as he focused now, focused on the steady rhythm of his hips against hers. He didn't want to rush, although his body had been ready to explode from the second he had arrived. There was something in the way she was looking at him, like she had a secret, and it drove him mad. His pace quickened a little as she lifted herself up off the bed, her legs both wrapped tightly around his waist as he dropped her and fucked her faster and faster against the mattress. The sweat was pouring from his face, dripping onto hers as he felt her muscles clench tightly, sending him into a tailspin as he collapsed onto her, the force of his orgasm knocking the wind from him.

Neither of them moved. She could feel him twitching inside of her, pulsing as the last of his cum ebbed into her. She tried to regulate her breathing but it felt too hard, she just wanted to pass out. Her arms were numb, her body was worse, but she felt blissfully light as she closed her eyes at the sensation of his kisses along her collarbone.

"Are you okay?" He barely ever asked her but she nodded, suddenly shy. Ray smiled as he prised himself up just enough to undo his belt, he could see her wrists were sore and he rubbed them softly, drawing them to his lips to kiss them as he helped her stretch her arms, the blood needing to recirculate again. "Easy now," he murmured as she drew her arms back to her sides before using one to bring his mouth to hers for a content, dizzy kiss.

* * *

"Do you remember when we used to do this all the time?"

They were sitting cross-legged on the bed, both naked, both eating noodles out of a carton. Lexi nodded as she slurped a mouthful up, covering her face so Ray wouldn't see her making a mess. He batted her hand away, he wanted to see her looking out of sorts, enjoying eating. There was something natural about it, it didn't fit with her pristine personality but he liked that.

"On the couch," she laughed guiltily. "I still remember the first time we... you know."

Ray grinned. "Yeah? Second appointment, wasn't it?" He knew it was, he knew she knew too, they'd be kidding themselves to think they didn't both still think about it. He laughed as he added, "I remember you sitting up and asking me if I'd judge you for ordering Chinese food."

She smiled and offered him her box. They duly swapped, like they always used to, and she blushed, seeing he'd left her all of the shrimp that she liked so much. How he still remembered, she wasn't sure. "I wasn't really sure what protocol was after we, you know." She swallowed. "I could have lost my licence."

"But you didn't." Ray shrugged and smiled, even if she had he would have fixed it. He leaned across the bed and wiped a bit of sauce from her forehead, how it had got there he didn't really know but he just wanted any excuse to touch her again. "Tonight was... it felt..."

"Good?" Her lip twitched. "I thought that too. Better than normal." She laughed. "Not that things are ever normal with you, Mr Donovan."

He pursed his lips, that was probably true. "I wanted more than just to fuck you tonight," he admitted, glancing up at her, making sure he connected with her eyes as he spoke. "I love it when we fuck, don't get me wrong. But I needed something... else."

"It's called channelling," she said matter-of-factly. "How are things with Abby?"

She always came back to the same damn question and it put Ray off his dinner in an instant. He put the box on the bedside table and shook his head. "Don't talk about her."

"We have to talk about her, Ray, she's-"

"-my wife, I know." She said it all the time, but it never got easier to hear. Talking about Abby took him out of his perfect bubble with Lexi, and he hated it.

"If you're struggling to have intimacy with your wife then you would look for it elsewhere," she said calmly, wishing she didn't have to talk about it. It was a wonderful way to spoil a lovely evening. "That's why you're here, right? To just express with me what you can't with her?"

It wasn't why he was there at all. He was there because he wanted to be with her, because he wanted to spend the time with her. The thought of going home, to Abby, to those ungrateful, spoiled little kids filled him with a sense of dread. He loved his family, sure, but only because he knew he had to, because that was what was expected. He looked at his feet for a moment before he spoke. "Alexia, I think I-"

His phone started to ring. Her eyes opened wide in an instant. "You're meant to leave that in the hall."

Ray scrabbled up to find his pants and dug through the pocket to silence the phone. "I'm sorry, Lex, shit, I thought I had." He nervously tapped the button to end the call but somehow hit the wrong one. He grimaced as he already heard Abby's tinny voice from the other end of the line.

"Ray, where the hell are ya? You're meant to be helping me sort out Conor's suit for this movie premiere shit tomorrow."

Ray felt his heart sink as Alexia put her food to the side and sat up straight, pulling the bedsheet around her to cover herself. Four years, four goddamn years, and tonight of all nights he'd forgotten he still had his phone in his goddamn pocket. She looked forlorn as she sat there, silent, listening.

"I'm in the middle of something," Ray said abruptly. "I'll call you back."

"Are you working?" Abby was quiet a second. "Is someone there?"

"I can't talk right now." Ray swallowed, he felt awful. Lexi looked like he had just punched her in the face, he had broken her very simple rules. "I'll call you when I can."

Abby sighed heavily and he could almost hear her rolling her eyes. Her voice sounded so loud in the silence between them as she said, "I love you, Ray." She waited expectantly for him to say it back, but Ray hesitated and hung the phone up. He put it down on the bed for a second but Lexi shook her head. Infuriated by the interruption, Ray hurled the damn thing into the hall with all of his might, cursing furiously. Alexia stared at him, she had never seen him act like that and she hated it.

"I think you should leave," she said shortly, getting up and beginning to make the bed. Ray looked at her hopelessly and got to his feet as she dragged the comforter from beneath him.

"Lex, please, don't be like that."

"Mr Donovan." Her voice was curt but still polite. "Please leave. You can take a shower, brush your teeth, whatever you need. You know where everything is. But then I need you to just, you need to go."

She took out a towel for him and dropped it on the bed before turning on her heel and walking out. Ray watched as she crossed the hall to a room he'd never even noticed before and shut the door, he heard it lock and he felt his heart plummet into the depths of his stomach. Jesus Christ. He'd pissed off women before but he was sure it had never hurt this much, his stomach suddenly ached and he felt a bitterness flooding through him. Fucking Abby, of course it had to be her. Of course she had to call him and ruin everything. What a night, what a goddamn perfect night and it was all... gone.

"Goddamn it!" he roared. He pulled on his clothes roughly, not bothering to shower, he didn't care if he stank of sex with another woman, he wanted to. He wanted to bathe in that smell for hours and now he just had to leave without so much as a goodbye. Shaking his head, he knocked on her door, desperate for her to open it. "Please, Lex, just talk to me."

She ignored him, she ignored every attempt as she sat on the floor with her back to the door and tried not to cry. Pressing her lips together, she put her hands in her hair and tried her best to barely even breathe, she didn't want him to hear her. She just needed him to get out of her house and never come back.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - Oh Ray. Ray, Ray, Ray. You got problems, love. Enjoy, I certainly did and the next one's even better.**

* * *

Ray spent the next couple of days keeping his head down. He played nice with the little bully from school, made sure Tommy spoiled Conor rotten in front of that asshole and made sure the press took plenty of good pictures of them on the red carpet. That should keep some lips buttoned for now. Abby had very deliberately not mentioned the smell of another woman soaked on Ray's skin when he had come home that night, raging and drunk. All in all, he had slipped into his a very mundane, very low-key kind of lifestyle and he hated it.

Every moment he could spare he spent in his Mercedes, parked on the opposite side of the street to her apartment block. She stuck to her routine, the Equinox health club at six a.m. followed by the office all day until nine. And then she'd get home, draw her curtains and Ray would be left wondering what she was doing. He didn't want to leave her alone, he couldn't, it didn't seem right. Even when he was called away for work, he made Avy sit in the car, staring at something Ray refused to brief him on.

He'd never meant to upset her so enormously. It seemed so stupid now, he was so used to taking those two phones out of his pockets and putting them on the side. Maybe it was because she'd been standing there, she had distracted him from his perfect routine. But it had been a fatal mistake. After a few days, he tried to send flowers by way of apology. Long-stemmed roses with a touch of purple to them, she'd once said she liked them but they were hard to find. Ray thought it would be a nice gesture, until he saw the guy refused and the flowers shoved back into the back of the delivery van.

She didn't go to the gym that Wednesday, as she had planned, but Ray waited eagerly on the canvas the following week. He was winding bandages around his hands as he bounced up and down on the canvas. She'd probably beat the hell out of him, and he didn't blame her, he felt it was the least he deserved for upsetting her so monumentally. He couldn't imagine how it must have felt, to hear Abby say those words to him. For so long, Abby had been nothing more than a talking point. Now she was a physical being, another woman, with emotions and a life. Now she wasn't just hypothetical.

Terry dragged his feet out of the office and shrugged at Ray apologetically. "She's not coming."

Ray's expression grew dark. "She say why?"

"Just a message." Terry shook his head, that regular private lesson had been good money for the gym. "Said she'd pay out the month here."

"Fuck the money." Ray was almost spitting, he was pissed. Sure, she was mad, but it was unlike her to change her behaviour patterns for anyone. Once she was scheduled, that was it, she would do the same damn thing until her dying day. Was what had happened so significant that she'd throw that all away? "Where is she?"

He was already climbing out of the ring, unravelling the straps from his hands as he jumped down to the ground. Terry sighed, his arm shaking nervously as he saw Ray stalk to the side and pull a grey T-shirt on over his head. He tugged it over his stomach, it wasn't his usual smart wear but he had only one intention and that was to go and find her. Terry put his hands up in despair.

"Maybe you scared her away, Ray. The way you used to look at her, fuck, I'm surprised she stuck along for as long as she did. What was it? Six weeks?"

"Seven," Ray corrected sharply. "I didn't scare her. She liked coming here."

"Well she doesn't any more," Terry muttered, annoyed. "Nice job." He could see how annoyed Ray looked, he kicked one of the metal chairs hard, sending it flying and making Bunchy scarper nervously into the office. "What did you do, Ray? Did you fuck her?"

Ray's eyes narrowed. "You shut your goddamn mouth, Terry, you know fuck all."

Terry could tell it was too close to the truth and he groaned, putting his face in his hands for a second and shaking his head. "Don't you get it? Don't you get that you can't do that?" He lowered his voice. "That you're married, that you've got kids?"

"Keep your mouth shut," Ray reiterated, seeing Bunchy edging out of the office. "Nothing happened. She's just pissy, she'll come back."

He didn't want to talk about it any more. Flinging his suit jacket over his arm, he headed out towards his car. He called her office to be told that she had been unwell and left, and when he circled around to her house, her spot was empty. Ray frowned, she was a creature of habit, she only ever did the same damn things. So where was she?

He waited for about an hour, flexing his fingertips as he stared at her apartment constantly, looking for even the slightest sign of life. There was nothing, not even the smallest movement. There was no way she was there. Ray dragged his hand over his face, it was unlikely she was so ill she'd had to go to hospital but he ran her name with Lena anyway and waited for the expected text. She wasn't checked in anywhere.

He tapped his thumbs against his wheel for a while before he tracked his way back towards the place where he'd seen her with the meathead. He drove around the block a couple of times, looking for any sign of her but she wasn't there either. He scowled, irritated, he hated coming up so short. He leaned back and called Avy.

"You at hers?" he asked shortly. Avy smiled, he could tell Ray was frustrated.

"I am, boss. No sign of her."

Ray watched as the curtains of the house twitched, he was sure that piece of shit asshole was in the house. He wondered idly if he knew where she was. As the thought crossed his mind, Ray couldn't help but become obsessed with it. Maybe he did know. In fact, he probably did.

"Call me when she gets back," he said gruffly. He dropped the glove compartment and pulled out his handgun, checking the ammunition before he latched the safety and shoved it into the front of his pants. He glanced at himself in the rearview for just a second, contemplating what he was doing. This was crazy. Ploughing into this guy's house, demanding answers? It seemed insane but right now, Ray felt helpless and frustrated. He wanted to see her and he couldn't find her. This idiot was the only other person he knew might know where she was.

Pulling on his sunglasses, Ray slipped out of the car and crossed the road. He glanced along the sidewalks, nobody was around. It was the middle of the afternoon, the stay-at-home moms were on the school runs and he was free to go... exploring. He knocked twice and waited just out of sight of the viewer. When he heard someone moving on the other side of the door, he stilled and waited for it to open. Instead, he heard the metal chain being dragged across the door inching back.

"Lex?"

"Sorta." Ray slammed his foot into the door and whacked his elbow into it hard. The wood wrenched and splintered, the chain snapping easily. He was too used to this shit. The guy inside was sent sprawling into the couch by the force of the door and he swallowed, terrified, as he groped awkwardly for a baseball bat on the floor near the door. Ray looked at him with a small sort of amusement as he pulled out his gun. "I wouldn't do that."

"Just take whatever you want," the man stuttered, dropping it and raising his hands quickly. His breathing was quick and shallow, he was clearly scared. Ray smirked a little as he unlocked the safety just to see the man wince.

"Where is she?" he demanded furiously. "Lex. Where is she?"

The guy shook his head apologetically. "I don't, I don't know, man, I'm sorry. I just, I need you to, you have to leave." He was panting now harder, wheezing as he tried to get the oxygen into his body quicker. Ray scowled, he hated losers. What the hell did she see in this little fraidycat? He was tall and built, sure, but he was a wuss. He could see tears forming in his eyes and he laughed.

"Don't be an asshole. What's your name?" When he didn't answer, Ray fired a warning shot into the ceiling. "What's your goddamn name?"

"Freddy, it's Freddy," he stuttered quickly. Ray smiled.

"Now we're getting somewhere, Freddy." He rested his gun on the table, just within his reach but far enough that the stranger wouldn't make a sudden jump for it. "Now tell me where she is."

"I told you, I don't know. I was worried about her, I've been trying to call her but she won't answer me. She said she thought some guy was following her." He itched nervously at his jaw. "Shit, that's you, isn't it? You can't hurt her, she hasn't done anything."

"I'm not going to hurt her, don't worry." Ray flexed his fingers, he was sure as hell debating punching some masculinity into this idiot. He was just about to relax when Freddy launched at him, strong, trying to grapple for the gun. Ray responded the only way he knew how to, he swung his fist into his face hard, slamming into him with his knuckles. Freddy yelped as he collapsed back against the wall, he was desperately reaching for the phone to try and call someone. Ray was already bored with this, he simply grabbed his gun and slammed the butt against Freddy's head.

"Don't be a hero," he muttered as he slumped down to the ground. "Not that heroes cry like fucking girls, Jesus. Get a hold of your damn self, what the fuck does she see in you?"

Freddy gulped, keeping his mouth closed. He had been given strict instructions not to talk about her, Lexi was fiercely private and she didn't like sharing her life with anybody. "Please don't hurt her."

Ray was about to make another disparaging comment when Avy called him. His phone ringing broke the silence between them and he held his gun steadily aimed at Freddy's head as he answered.

"Yeah?"

"She's home," Avy informed. Ray nodded.

"Don't go until I get there," he said firmly. He hung up and smiled at Freddy. "You want to be a hero, Freddy?" Freddy didn't answer and he smirked, stepping close. "Course you do," he muttered, grabbing the scruff of Freddy's shirt. Freddy roared with panic as Ray pushed him outside, he was violently shaking from the second he stepped foot outside the door in the sunshine. He gave him a rough shove out of the house and towards his car, making no attempt to even hide the gun in his hand as he walked him around to the passenger side. He could see the thick sweat pooling on Freddy's face as he pushed his head down and shoved him into his seat.

Freddy was frozen to the spot as Ray paced around the car calmly and took his own seat, his gun resting on his lap with one hand on the trigger as he eased the Mercedes out of park and headed towards Lexi's apartment.

"Now you just sit there and keep your mouth shut. Don't try anything stupid, do as you're told and I won't kill you. You and I can get on just fine." He smiled as he glanced over to see Freddy had his eyes screwed closed as he gripped onto the sides of his seat, his knuckles were white with terror. Ray chuckled, this guy was the complete antithesis of him, how on earth did she want to fuck him? "You hear me? How's that for a deal?"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N - Happy Friday!**

* * *

Ray frogmarched Freddy roughly towards the elevator. His revolver was firm to the small of the guy's back as he walked him across the dark parking lot. Freddy was in tatters, his eyes streaming and his whole body shaking with fear as he stumbled into the lift cage with Ray.

"You do as you're told," Ray snarled. "This is very easy. All you do is get me up there. I don't want to hear shit, you don't tell her I'm with you, you don't tell her what's going on. You just get me into that apartment."

Freddy mumbled an awkward acceptance, it was hard to speak coherently when his heart was pounding in his ears so fast. Ray rolled his eyes as he shoved him in front of the camera and pressed the call button. He waited anxiously as it buzzed for a moment before he could hear Alexia's voice.

"Jesus, Freddy?"

He could hear her panic, she could see the nasty bruise already forming on Freddy's eye socket. Instantly, the elevator started to rise, granting them access. Ray grinned and patted Freddy on the back, pleased with his ruse.

"Good job," he muttered as he wrapped his arm around Freddy's throat, holding him against him and the gun to his head. Freddy let out a desperate sob as he watched the numbers on the dial changing, winding up to the penthouse floor. All he could do was pray that this madman didn't actually follow through on his threat, but he simply had no idea.

The second the doors opened, Lexi was there. It took her a moment too long to realise Ray had a hold on Freddy. She gasped as Ray shoved the young man into her, stepping out of the elevator and into the foyer. Freddy let out an almighty cry as she wrapped her arms around him lovingly, cuddling him close and stroking his hair as he bawled in fear into her shoulder.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she muttered, staring at Ray. He couldn't help but stare at her awkwardly, she was in a slimming pair of workout pants and a tank top, her hair scraped up on her head. He had never seen her look so... informal. Even in the gym she was dressed in perfect, matching sets. But here, now, she was in her own private world and he had interrupted.

Ray watched as she caressed Freddy's cheek, kissing his forehead and promising him he was going to be okay. She looked at the bruise beneath his eye and stared accusingly at Ray. The fury swelled in her chest as she moved between them. "Was this you?" She released Freddy and charged at Ray, shoving him angrily, her palms flat against his chest as she gave him an almighty slam against the wall. "How dare you? How fucking dare you!"

Ray laughed for a moment, amused by her assault, until one of her punches was a little too hard. Grabbing her wrist to stop her, he squeezed it and backed her up, motioning for Freddy to go through to the living room. Dragging her with him, Ray muttered,

"Where have you been? Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Because you're a piece of shit!" she demanded furiously. She could see Freddy was still in a state, she pressed him to sit down and held her hand to his forehead to try and calm him down. "Oh, Fred, love, it's okay."

"This? This little wuss is what you want? Instead of me?"

Ray put his hand on his hip, pushing his jacket back to expose his T-shirt and just the handle of his revolver in his pants. Lexi glanced at him and rolled her eyes. Of course that was all he thought might be the problem.

"Is this what this is about? A dick measuring competition?" She shook her head. "He's my brother, and he's agoraphobic, he hasn't left the house in about six years."

She totally ignored Ray as she tried to soothe Freddy. He was clearly in shock, terrified, and Ray felt the slightest bit guilty as he realised why Freddy had had such an extreme reaction to a stranger in his house and, even worse, being dragged to the car. He swallowed, maybe he should apologise.

"Oh Jesus. I didn't think."

"You never think!" Lexi snapped. She was fanning Freddy now, he looked like he was about to pass out. She lay him out on the couch, humming softly to try and relax him. "It's okay, Fred, I'm here, I can take care of you now."

"I saw you," Ray muttered, watching them as he tried to piece things together. "At his place. In his room."

"We sat in bed and watched a movie!" Lexi said defensively. "Like we do every week! Not that that's any of your business. You know nothing about me or my family." She swallowed and sat back on her heels, realising the implication of his words. "Wait, were you following me?"

Shit, now he was in for it. Ray pressed his lips together and pushed his hands against each other. He forced a sweet sort of smile, one that would usually dissolve a woman's temper, he'd used it on Abby enough times. "I was worried about you."

She laughed darkly as she took to her feet now, her hands on her hips. "I don't need or expect you to worry about me, Mr Donovan."

He sneered a little. "Well, I do." He wanted to tell her that he worried about her all the time, that since that day he'd seen her out in the Grove, she was the only thing he had been able to think about.

"Well you can stop." Her eyes narrowed. "Because in a couple of days, this will all be a nightmare that'll blow over and we can just go back to our lives and our schedules, just like we used to have."

He scowled. "What'll blow over?"

She coloured and panicked a little, trying to find a suitable cover for what she had said. The last thing she needed was him wanting to have a goddamn say in anything. "Us. This," she added, pointing to Freddy who had passed out in a broken heap on the couch. Ray shook his head, she was lying. He narrowed his eyes.

"Bullshit, what are you talking about?"

She went red, looking away from him nervously. She started to walk towards her room, fully intending to lock him out but Ray moved with strength and power to catch up with her. He snatched at her arm to hold her still but she lashed at him with her nails, fiercely defensive. Her fingertips caught his skin and scratched along his cheek like a cat's claws.

"No! You do not treat me like that!" she demanded, furious. Ray chuckled and dropped her back on the bed, sending her sprawling. Within a second he had climbed over her, straddling her, holding her down as he dragged his gun out and held it to her forehead.

"You want me to treat you like this instead?" he snarled, pushing it against her. She started to cry, holding her hands up defensively. What was he doing? This wasn't her Ray, this wasn't the gentleman she loved spending time with. This was a creature from a bad dream.

"Christ, Ray, please." Her tongue felt clumsy in her mouth as she wriggled out from beneath him and scarpered up to the top of the bed, holding her pillow in front of her in defence. "You've got to stop. You're scaring me, please, stop it."

"Tell me what's going on." His words were slow and carefully chosen, his tone measured and almost reasonable-sounding. Lexi whimpered as she looked at him.

"I'm taking care of it," she said fearfully. "It's not a problem, I swear, it's not going to affect you. It was an accident, I know it was, we were off-schedule and-"

"And what?" He looked at her curiously, his eyes searching her face for an explanation. When she didn't answer, he unlocked his safety. The sound of the metal click made her want to vomit as he crawled closer to her, his knees pressing into her ankles as he held her still.

"You're hurting me," she whispered, her eyes full of fear as she looked up at him. Ray smirked.

"You've been hurting me too this week," he said. "Avoiding me, ignoring me."

"I needed a clear head," she managed to say. She looked over him and swallowed as he leaned into her, the gun still in his hand, and traced his lips along her throat. He could feel her quaking beneath his touch, she had never been so scared before and, somehow, it was turning him on.

"A clear head for what?" he demanded softly as he nipped her earlobe. He felt her sigh, her breath tight in her throat, and she pushed him back carefully as she stammered,

"Ray, I'm pregnant."

His eyes narrowed as he heard the words, not sure of what he was feeling. He was sure his heart skipped a beat, through joy rather than fear, and he sat back on his heels instantly, tossing the gun out of reach onto the floor. Seeing him drop the weapon made her relax, just a little, and she ventured a nervous look at him.

"You're what?"

"I swear, I'm getting rid of it. It was an accident, we've been together so much recently, I just, I must have got off-track with my medication and..." She could feel her lip shaking as she looked for an answer, she was so sure he would be furious. "Ray, I'm sorry. And then there was all that shit with your phone, and Abby, and-"

"You're pregnant?"

The words were still sinking in as he stared at her. He was suddenly overwhelmed by the desire to kiss her, to fold her into his arms and hold her protectively and never let go. Ray ran his hand over his face and mouth and jaw as he rubbed down his throat, his heart was pounding in his stomach.

"I'm so sorry, it was never meant to happen." She swallowed. "I went to the doctor last week, I just, I didn't know what to do. I was just going to make this all go away, I know that this is crazy. You've got your own life, your own family." She was putting her hands on her head now, she could barely even put the words together. "Your wife and your kids, we always said we would never jeopardise that and-"

"I love you."

Ray couldn't even stop himself from saying it, was so overcome by the desire to tell her, to make sure she knew. Lexi shook her head, tapping his chest.

"No, you don't mean that." She shied away from him. "Please, you can't say that, it's not fair."

"I love you," he repeated, more firmly now. "Shit, Lex, a baby?" He couldn't hide the excitement in his tone. "Our baby?"

She blushed and nodded. Ray wanted to squeal with excitement and toss her around the room, he was delighted at the prospect. Sensibility left his mind completely, if he thought about it for even a second he would realise that there was no way this was going to work, but right now, he didn't care.

"Ray, I-"

He pressed his lips to hers, stopping her from speaking. His hand strayed to her stomach, holding her carefully, and he beamed proudly at her. "We'll sort it out," he promised her, rolling her onto her side and pulling her close. His leg wrapped around hers possessively, she was his now, well and truly his. "Everything'll be just fine, I promise."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N - Apologies for the delay in the update, unfortunately those Sons of Anarchy scumbags in my head have been usurping all my attention. Cheeky things. You tell a character to do one thing and it just does whatever it wants to instead - despicable! Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

"Is this really happening?"

Lexi stretched out lazily beside him as Ray constantly and obsessively ran his hand over her flat stomach. He was resting his head on her breasts, looking at her torso as she breathed shallowly, barely moving as he continued to ghost his palm over her. She tapped his head and he paused, turning to look at her but not letting up that soothing movement, not even for a second.

"Apparently," he smiled, nuzzling against her. "You and me, baby makes three."

A baby. The whole idea seemed crazy, he could hardly get his head around it but he wanted to, he longed for it all to just slot into place. Ever since that first moment he had seen Alexia outside of their appointments, he had been consumed with the need to create something with her. He thought it was just a different sort of world, not an actual life, not a child.

"How does this happen, Ray?" she asked timidly. Lexi was trying to keep her head, even if Ray didn't want to acknowledge that this was never going to be easy, she knew the truth of it. He grinned and climbed over her.

"When a man and a woman love each other very much..."

She gave him a playful slap and pushed him off her, curling onto her side as he put his arm around her and pulled her tight to him. "You know what I mean."

Ray hadn't thought about the practicality yet. He didn't want to. If it was his way, he would just walk away. He and Abby were over, they had been for too long. They barely spoke, he was always working and she was always pissed at him when he got in. His kids had their own lives, they were growing older, they weren't dependent on him any more. To Ray, he could just step away, but he knew there were more restrictions than that. His brothers, for one, would never let him abandon his family, not the way he really wanted to.

"Let's run away," he murmured, kissing her cheeks as he traced across to her lips. "Let's go somewhere. The Bahamas. London. Hawaii, I don't fucking care, just anywhere but here. We can have a whole new life."

Lexi smiled dreamily, her finger ghosting across his lip. "And your responsibilities here? Your wife?"

"Don't talk about her," Ray said dismissively but she shook her head.

"This time we really do have to," she murmured. "I never meant to do this to you, Ray. This was never meant to happen, and I was going to just make it all go away-"

"Don't say that." He spoke sharply, he didn't mean to but he didn't even want to hear her say it. "If I'd ever found out, I'd have never forgiven you."

"Maybe you would have been easier to keep away that way," she teased, running her finger over his lips. He laughed. "We're not teenagers, this isn't just a fling. You're married and you want to have a baby with another woman."

"Me and her are over," Ray said firmly. Lexi felt her chest tightening and she looked down at his chest, not wanting to connect with his eyes.

"She loves you."

"And I love you," he murmured, lifting her chin to look at her. "Things change, relationships change."

She smiled sadly. "What if we change?"

"We won't," he assured her. "I'm only just able to be honest with you, Lex, this, what we've got, what we're doing?" He rubbed her stomach again. "This is what I want."

Lexi tilted her head to the side as she looked at him. "Is that it? It just ends? Your relationship, with your family?"

"It's what I need, we need." He kissed her. "Our baby needs."

* * *

Ray didn't want to leave. He waited until the last possible moment to get up in the morning to go, all he wanted to do was stay with her, lie with her, get her everything she might possibly need. He had never done it for Abby, he'd never felt the desire to, but things with Lexi were different. He wanted to sit there, through the morning sickness and the cravings and the crabbiness, just because it meant he could spend more time with her.

Eventually she convinced him to leave, assuring him that she would keep him up to date about her movements. She had already cancelled her clients for the next few days, she needed to focus on herself and setting a new routine. Ray begrudgingly dragged his heels as he walked back to the car, saddened by his need to leave, to return to his 'normal 'life with Abby until a time when he could come clean.

As he drove back, he wondered about whether it was time to tell Avy and Lena everything about Lexi. They would need to know, they would be on duty twenty-four seven when he couldn't be there, there was no doubt about that. Maybe he should get an extra member of staff, just to help her out. Pregnancy was never easy, especially when it still had such a degree of secrecy attached to it.

Maybe he should talk to Ezra. He was wise, he knew how to keep his head over the important things. And Lexi was important, Ray was sure of that. Their friendship had been too long and too vital for too many years.

As he parked up in front of the house, he sighed and closed his eyes for a second, gathering his thoughts. He sent Lexi a message, a simple '_I love you' _that he knew would make her smile. He got out, and made his way inside.

"Daddy?"

He glanced over to the couch as he heard Bridget call out to him. Dropping his keys on the table, he made his way over to see her looking exhausted, wrapped up in the blankets on the couch. Abby had passed out asleep beside her, looking pale and unwell.

"We tried to call you," Conor called from his place at the island as he shovelled cereal into his mouth. "She's been sick all night. Mom's been throwing up, like, constantly."

Ray sighed as he dropped to his knees on the floor beside them. He pressed his hand against Abby's forehead, she was damp with a cold sweat pouring off her skin. He itched at his neck, a little nervous. She hadn't been this ill since she'd been carrying Conor.

"You should have put her in bed," he said quietly. Bridget shook her head.

"She wouldn't move, she was waiting up for you," she insisted. "Where were you? You didn't answer your phone, Avy said he didn't know where you'd gone."

"I had some work to do," Ray said through gritted teeth, feeling a little guilt pressing on his shoulders. He never meant to ignore one woman for another, he simply thought that Abby just wouldn't need him and Lexi clearly did. "She was throwing up?"

Conor nodded. "It was gross, couldn't make it stop."

"You eat something bad?" Ray asked, looking up over the back of the sofa at his son. Conor shrugged.

"Nothing unusual. Grilled cheese."

Ray felt his heart plummet into his stomach. "She's a bad cook but she ain't that bad." His heart was thumping in his ears in fear, this couldn't be happening, this wasn't an option. Abby just had a virus, that was all it was, that was all it could be... right?

"Uncle Terry came around. Sat with us for a few hours," Bridget chipped in. "Mom could hardly stand up."

Every word filled Ray with even more trepidation. "She must be exhausted, too much shopping or something," he joked, trying to ease up the pressure he was feeling in his head. No, he couldn't deal with this. "Let me take her upstairs."

He got up and pushed his hand beneath Abby's tiny frame. Using the other arm, he scooped up her legs and carried her upstairs to the bedroom. Her head lolled back, she was out of it. Ray swallowed nervously as he kicked the door shut with his heel and lay her down on the comforter, stroking her strawberry blonde hair away from her wet forehead.

"You should sleep it off," he said, more to convince himself that it was just an illness she was suffering. He pulled off his T-shirt and tossed it on the floor as he padded to the bathroom. He needed a shower, he needed to shake off this and work out how he was going to walk away. He stopped to pull off his pants, and frowned as he glanced at the trash can. Leaning over, he dipped his hand into it to pull out a pregnancy test. His expression grew darker as he saw the smiley face on the indicator and the word staring back at him, taunting him, daring him to make the next move.

_Pregnant._


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N - Huge apologies for the delay in updating! Those ****_Sons of Anarchy_**** boys have been causing no end of trouble! On the bright side, Ray is causing his own trouble as he and Abby realise the weight of her pregnancy on their relationship... Enjoy!**

* * *

Abby awoke the next morning to find a note from Ray. He had scribbled it haphazardly, eager to get out of the house the second he could. She fingered it as her eyes became less blurry and read it over.

_Shit to do. We need to talk._

She sighed, he was always so abrupt. There was no doubt that he knew why she had been so unwell, she wanted to berate him for not being home but at least he wanted to talk to her. That was one up on the usual state of affairs.

She groaned as she stood herself up and ruffled her hair, feeling exhausted and sore. All she needed was a little bit of comfort but the house seemed empty as she pulled on her slippers and shuffled downstairs.

"Morning."

She held her hand to her chest as Terry sprang up from behind the island in the kitchen. He beamed at her and waved around a carton of orange juice.

"Morning, Ter," she murmured as he poured her a glass and handed it over. "Where's your brother?"

"Out." He gave her a lopsided smile. "He had to, uh, do some work. I took the kids to school so you could sleep."

Abby nodded, sort of half-heartedly. "Thanks. You didn't have to."

"Ray said you needed the help." She gritted her teeth, wondering what else Ray might have said.

"You see him this mornin'?" Terry nodded. "How'd he look?"

"Smart," he shrugged. "Bit stressed, but he always looks like that."

Abby grimaced, if anything Ray had been looking remarkably less stressed recently. Maybe it was because he had been out more, maybe he was sleeping when he was away. Maybe it was that he had been fucking someone else, she would be an idiot to think that he wasn't when he'd come home soaked in another woman's smell. Her lip wobbled a little and Terry frowned.

"You okay?" he asked, sliding his seat across towards her. Abby felt her eyes well up at his gentle tone and she let herself sob like she so wanted to. Terry panicked and instinctively put his arms around her. "God, Abby, I'm sorry."

She shook her head, it wasn't his fault. "I'm just a mess," she whined, wiping her eyes with her hand. "I'm sorry, it's just... hormones." She patted her stomach as if he would understand.

Terry did and he felt his heart skip a beat for her. "Jesus, how far along are you?"

"Six weeks," she whispered, as if saying it out loud would somehow make it real. "I just, I don't know if he's ready. This was never the plan, and..." She paused and looked at his sympathetic smile. "Is there someone else, Terry? Has he mentioned someone?"

It was unlike Ray to tell Terry anything. His arm started to shake as he thought on her words. Ray made time for nobody, that was just his way. He liked to isolate himself, keep himself to family and work and that was it. His intrigue in that girl at the gym had bothered Terry for weeks but suddenly it made him feel the bile in his stomach well up to his throat.

"Ray loves you, Ab," he said supportively. "Of course there's nobody else."

Abby was shaking her head even as he spoke, unconvinced. "I don't know, I just think there's something going on, something not right." She didn't want to tell him about that other night, it was mortifying enough to know that Ray had been with someone else, let alone share it with his brother. "I feel he's not... here."

"You gotta talk to him," Terry said, squeezing her hand. "I know it's hard but honesty is the only way, you know that." She nodded, she knew.

"He wanted to," she murmured. "I'm just not ready for what he might have to say."

* * *

Ray had Avy clear his schedule and assigned Lena the odd jobs he needed to get rid of. There was only one thing he needed to do, and that was take control of the only thing he could.

Turning up at Lexi's unannounced didn't seem so bad now, after holding her brother at gunpoint, she was more amenable to answering the door to him when he was alone. Ray smiled as he saw her, just the sight of her filling him with an inexplicable warmth. He scooped her to him, bending her back dramatically as he kissed her, his lips working tenderly against hers. She murmured contently.

"Hello you," she giggled as his hand ran up beneath her shirt and stroked along her stomach. He sank to his knees as he righted her and kissed her belly, knowing that everything he wanted was right there in that moment.

"Let me make love to you," he begged. "I need you."

She didn't get to answer before he picked her up and carried her into her room. He laid her down carefully and clambered on top of her, cautious not to put his weight on her but wanting nothing more than to overpower her.

"What's gotten into you?" she laughed, purring approvingly as his lips kissed along her neck. "Ray!"

"You, you're mine," he insisted, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her tightly to him. "All mine."

She blushed, she would like to be, that was for sure, but she wasn't entirely convinced. "I guess," she whispered. "I don't want to be anyone else's."

"I don't want you to be either," he said with a firmness that surprised her. "You and me. Our family. Our world."

He was burying his face between her breasts as he spoke, feeling safe there, listening to her heartbeat against his tongue. Lexi murmured with satisfaction.

"Escapism." She pushed his head back a little and held his chin, looking in his eyes. "Is everything okay at home?"

That was the last thing he wanted to think about. He had spent the whole night sitting on that bed, staring at Abby and wondering if her having a baby would make a difference. It was a question he didn't want to answer.

"Everything is fine," he said. "I'm talking to her later. It's done, I swear." He looked at her steadily. "I want this. I want this, with you."

Lexi nodded, running her hand over his head. "That's perfect," she smiled, leaning into him. "Because I really want that too." Ray grinned as he continued to kiss down her body, eager to get to her underwear. He wanted to make her scream, he needed to know that he could fulfil her constantly and always.

He pushed her skirt up, growling hungrily as he nibbled along her calf toward the back of her knee. He could hear her breathing changing, becoming faster, needing him more.

"I have an appointment, tomorrow," she whispered breathlessly, trying to remember before she knew they'd forget. "Can you..."

Ray stopped as he heard his phone vibrating in his pants pocket. He groaned in annoyance and jerked it out to silence it. Lexi closed her eyes, dreading the thought of it being Abby again.

"It's Terry." Ray stood up and moved away, apologising as he grabbed it. "What's up?"

"Where the hell are you?" Terry sounded furious. "Your wife needs you home, whatever the fuck you're doing, you need to stop and get back."

"I'm in the middle of something," Ray snapped. He looked over at Lexi to see she had sat up on the bed and was adjusting her clothing, giving up hope on his spirited embrace. "Can you deal with it?"

"No, Ray, I can't." Terry was seething. "Get in your flash goddamn car and get to the gym or, so help me, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna kick the-"

"Go," Lexi whispered, standing and kissing Ray's cheek gently. "Don't worry about it, I don't mind, I know you're busy." Her expression was genuine, she was being honest with him. "Swing by after work, if you have time, I'll be here."

Terry finally finished ranting just as she stopped speaking. Ray sighed, at least she was being understanding. "Thank you," he mouthed. "Ter, okay, I'm on the way. Be there in twenty mins." He hung up and looked at Lex. "We're not done."

"Come catch me up later," she teased. "Honestly, it's fine, go, he obviously needs you. I'll just... wait."

She pouted as she sat back against the headboard and Ray groaned as he looked over her, wishing he could stay. He sighed and nodded, leaning across and kissing her nose.

"I'll try and get back tonight," he said. "Otherwise tomorrow, tomorrow we'll be able to do this. Properly."

He slunk out and drove across to the gym. Terry was waiting outside, looking irritated, and before Ray could get out of the car, he jumped in beside him.

"Let's take a drive around the block," Terry muttered, pointing in the direction he wanted Ray to go. Ray groaned and pulled back out onto the street as Terry looked at him, annoyed. "What's going on, Ray?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "Work."

"She got a name?" Terry rolled his eyes. "Is it the girl you box with? Alexia Stranhope?"

Ray almost ran a light as Terry said her name, he hated that she crossed into his very real world. "You don't know what you're talking about, everything's fine."

Terry didn't speak for a few moments until they were further away from the gym. "Abby's pregnant. Do you know that?" Ray didn't answer, only proving he did. "You gonna, you know, take care of her?" Still, silence. "Jesus, Ray. What are you doing? You got a family, two kids, a wife who loves you no end. And you're fucking around?"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Ray snapped, irritated. "I wouldn't do that."

"Good," Terry replied sharply. "You remember when Bunch came along? Mom and Dad were fighting all the time, they had to suck it all up. Babies change shit real quickly. You got a duty to take care of my family."

"I am taking care of my family," Ray replied, annoyed. He was doing the right thing, moving away, not lying to anyone. Once he spoke to Abby, told her it was over, it was all going to be done.

"Are you?" Terry looked over at him, leaning his arm on the window. "Because having a baby, another baby, it takes work. Commitment. You made vows with Abby to make it work, whatever happens. You owe her that."

Ray didn't want to think about it but he could feel his chest growing right with every word Terry said. All he wanted was to get out, but Terry was getting into his head.

"I'll talk to her tonight." Ray pulled around back in front of the gym abruptly. "Okay?"

"Til death do you part, Ray," Terry muttered as he opened the door. "Remember that, you promised her that. Don't let anyone get to you, you're already spoken for."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N - Ray is having one shitty time at the moment. Poor love. ;)**

* * *

The trickiest thing about what Ray did was that, when something went wrong in his work life, there was no stopping it. When Ezra called him in a panic with a client who had shot her husband in a fit of fury, Ray had no choice but to cancel any plans to see either Abby or Lexi and had to go to fix it.

Exhausted, at six in the morning, he groaned as he parked the car at the front of the house. Abby would be asleep, the kids would be up within a couple of hours. If he could just steal an hour on the couch, maybe he could get away before she woke up. He sighed as he shifted around in the car, changing his white, blood-stained shirt for a smart black one. He rubbed his hands together as he crossed to the house, patting his pockets for his keys.

He whispered to himself as he came into the house, placing his belongings on the island in silence as he moved across the kitchen for a much-needed beer. The light flicked on instantly and he saw Abby sitting on the sofa, waiting for him. His heart plummeted instantly, shit.

"You're back late," she said coolly. Ray shrugged as he bashed the cap off on the side of the kitchen unit and took a drink.

"Work, I told you." Neither spoke and eventually he realised there was no way he was going to sleep without the conversation. "Abby, I-"

"Ray, I'm pregnant." Even though he already knew, the words felt even heavier and more real when she said them so bluntly. "I know we weren't planning another one but... we're getting one."

She hoped that he would say something, trying to control the conversation was hard and she hated it. Ray was so much better at this stuff. He didn't speak, he just picked at the label of his bottle, trying to think of anything else he could say. When he didn't answer, she sighed.

"Please, Ray, I'm trying."

"Trying?" He laughed at that and paced across to the armchair to sit opposite her. "Abs, it's all very well trying, but... We haven't been working for nearly a year."

He could see her eyes welling up with tears. That was the last thing he wanted to see, Abby crying always killed him. He shook his head, pinching his nose and trying to look away but he couldn't, knowing she was upset. It was his biggest problem, in theory he was always able to walk away but when he came down to sit opposite her, things changed drastically.

"I've been wanting it to work," she pleaded. "Ray, we... we're having a baby. Whatever's not working, we'll make it work."

"What, with a band-aid kid?" Ray shook his head, standing up again. He was going to need more than a beer, he was going to need spirits and now. He poured himself a large slug of whisky before topping it up with a little more. "Abby, it's not what I want."

"What do you want me to do, then? Get rid of it?"

The question felt so blunt, it made Ray feel sick. He shook his head, Abby knew all too well that he would be completely against that. "Good Catholic girl like you?" he joked. Abby wondered if she could see him softening, she stood and crossed to him, her hands holding onto his arm gently.

"Please. Talk to me." She pressed her tiny body up against him, her hand on his cheek as she looked into his eyes. Ray growled low at the feel of her and stepped away to give himself clear space, the last thing he needed was further confusion from her. In his head, there was one way out and he had to take it.

"I don't want this any more."

The words were like a tonne of bricks on her head. "This?" She motioned around the house. "What, us? Our family? Our home?"

"All of it!" Ray snapped furiously. "It doesn't work any more, Abby, I'm not going to pretend. I don't make you happy, you don't make me happy, what are we going to do? Limp through life, arguing in front of the kids, put on smiles and parade around with a goddamn bassinet and pretend we're okay? For who, Terry? Bunch?" He shook his head as he undid the top buttons of his shirt and went to the fridge for ice. "I'm not going to fake it."

Abby could feel herself swallowing. "Are you... are you divorcing me, Ray?"

He shrugged. "Looks like it." He motioned to her stomach. "Whatever you want to do with that... situation? I'll pay for it, just make your choice."

Abby was shaking now as she wrapped her arm around her body defensively, mortified by his suggestion. "Oh, that's just the kind of thing you would do, isn't it? Pay your way out?" She shook her head. "Is it someone else?"

He would be damned if he admitted that. Instead he just shook his head. "This is about you and me."

"Yeah, it is." Abby gritted her teeth as she started up the stairs. "And our baby, Ray. Now I'm going to go and take a shower, get twenty minutes of sleep and then I'm going to the doctor for a check-up. This baby, our baby? It's not going anywhere, so you need to find your feet and sort yourself out. We're doing this, whether you want to or not."

She stormed off and Ray groaned, kicking the coffee table over in frustration. This was a nightmare, why did this have to happen to him? It was just his goddamn luck. He threw himself down on the couch and rested his legs on the upturned table, irritated. All he had wanted was a chance to sleep and Abby had, of course, just waited to tear him apart. Maybe she would be calmer in an hour, maybe she would be more relaxed after some sleep.

He passed out within a few minutes of closing his eyes, and didn't reawaken until he heard Abby banging around in the kitchen furiously. Ray looked at her, she was shaking as she moved about, barely able to function as she made a coffee and accidentally spilled milk all across the counter. He got to his feet and grabbed a kitchen towel, cleaning it up quickly. Abby headed towards the front door, snatching up her keys and dropping them clumsily.

"What are you doing?" Ray asked. "You can't go anywhere like that."

"I've got the first appointment," she said sharply. "So I can do everything else I have to today, Ray. I thought you'd be able to come, I thought we could go together before you start your day."

There was no way she could drive in such a furious state. Ray prised the keys from her hand. "I'll drive," he insisted, motioning for her to get in the car. Abby kept up her fury but inside, she was relieved more than she could even express. He would come with her after all.

They drove in silence to the hospital. Ray guided her protectively through the corridor towards the waiting room. He pushed the door open just as his phone began to ring and he motioned for Abby to take a seat as he let the door close again and he answered.

"Hey." His voice softened as he glanced towards the door. "I'm, uh, I'm on damage control, can I call you back?"

He heard Lexi sigh a little but her smile still came through in her voice. "Yeah, of course. I just..." She paused but then shook her head. "Don't worry, maybe I'll see you later."

"I hope so," Ray nodded, his own smile creeping through. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Those words made him relax and he took a deep breath as he hung up. Fetching two coffees from the machine, he charged into the waiting room, refreshed and ready to have the conversation with Abby as soon as the appointment was over. There was only one woman and one family he really wanted, he couldn't deny that. Just hearing Lex's voice filled him with excitement, she was all he needed in his life.

Abby looked up as he came in and waited for him to sit down. She leaned into him and lowered her voice as she nodded across to a woman on the middle seating area in the room, her back to them. "Poor girl, she's on her own. Just heard her talking to the father, you could just tell. Jackass, abandoning here to come here on her own." She gave Ray a nudge as he was about to sip his coffee. "Go give her yours, cheer her up."

Ray rolled his eyes as he got up to do as instructed. He wove through the scattered chairs and leaned over with his coffee proffered to the woman.

"It's early, do you want a coffee? Decaf, I know you guys can't have a lot of caffeine. My wife hounds me about it."

He nearly spilled the damn drink all over her when Alexia looked up at him. Her eyes grew wide with excitement to see him there before all the emotion drained away and she twisted around to look at Abby on the other side of the room. Abby smiled cheerily and waved, and Alexia clamped a hand over her mouth, suppressing the urge to vomit.

"No, thank you, I..." She stood up quickly and hurtled out of the waiting room. Ray grimaced and, leaving the coffee on the floor, excused himself with a lame comment about helping her. Abby sat back, smug and relieved that her baby's father was with her, and flicked through a magazine as she waited.

Lexi was leaning against the wall, doubled over as she tried to stop herself from being sick. She had one hand clutched to her stomach as she tried to focus her breathing and remember all those damn techniques she had read about. Ray came up behind her and rubbed her back supportively.

"Jesus, I didn't know it was you."

"What are you doing here, Ray?" she demanded, her voice a low whisper. She looked up at him, curling her hair on her fingers as she brushed it aside. "Is this a joke?"

Ray swallowed. "Abby... she's, uh." He didn't say it, but Lexi already knew. She laughed darkly.

"Aren't your Mr Supersperm, California?" she muttered, righting herself and taking a deep breath. "How far?"

"Six weeks." Saying it out loud brought it all home, Ray could feel his own knees weakening. "It's just a hiccup, honest to God."

Lexi shook her head, standing up. "A hiccup?" She laughed. "Your _wife_ is _pregnant_, Ray, that's not a hiccup, that's a life decision."

"You think I wanted that?" Ray gesticulated towards the waiting room, still trying to keep his voice low. "It was a goddamn accident, and I'm trying to fix it." Lexi was still shaking her head as she walked towards the doors to leave. Ray followed her with a quick step and grabbed her arm. "Where are you going?"

"Home. I'll reschedule," she said abruptly. "You should go and do your appointment. With your wife." Her eyes were growing teary and she choked the feeling back as quickly as she could. "And I think maybe you and I should take some time apart. Don't come around, don't call me, don't email me and show up at my office with my brother at gunpoint. I just need some space to work this shit out."

"Alexia."

There was no manner of pleading he could do, she had made up her mind. Lexi slipped out of the front door and Ray had nothing he could do but return to the waiting room, dragging his heels miserably as he dropped down beside Abby on the metal seat.

"She okay?" Abby asked. Ray stared at the doors longingly, wishing he could just go after her but knowing there would be no end of problems if he did.

"I hope so," he muttered, rubbing his hand over his head. "I really fucking hope so."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N - Ray is beginning to lose control...**

* * *

Ray gave Alexia the appropriate cooling off period. It was about six weeks before he ventured to her apartment, he spent every day worrying about her and wishing he could see her but he knew all too well that she would be too angry about Abby to even try and think about talking to him. Lexi was fierce, there was no doubt about that.

Thinking it might be better to play things above board with her, Ray walked into the front entrance and rang the desk bell with his palm. A bored-looking concierge pottered out of his office and looked at him condescendingly.

"This is private accommodation," he drawled lazily. "Does the person you're here for know you are coming?"

Ray gave him a tight smile. "No, she doesn't. I'm a surprise." The concierge frowned as he eyeballed him.

"We don't do surprises here," he said, his voice clipped. "You can call or I will, your choice."

Ray rolled his eyes, annoyed. This guy was one of those jobsworths, one who spent his entire life trying to show how big his dick was from behind a little wooden desk. He ran his hand over the polished surface, his bruised knuckles on show from another little 'tidy up'.

"That's not how this works," he said coolly. "Just let me go upstairs."

"I can't do that, sir," the concierge replied. He buzzed a button on the desk and smiled at Ray. "I have security arriving in about two minutes, so I suggest you leave or tell me who you're trying to see."

Ray groaned, this guy was an asshole. "Alexia Stranhope, I'm here to see her," he muttered, irritated at having to give in. The man pressed the button again and murmured something into his earpiece.

"She's not here," he said. "Moved out about a week ago."

Ray's face fell. "What?"

"Her apartment's up for sale," he answered, pleased to have some knowledge that Ray didn't. "You can find the listing, make an appointment if you want to see it."

He started to move back towards his office but Ray wasn't done. He sidestepped around the counter and invaded the concierge's space almost immediately, towering over him.

"Where is she?" He was meant with a dark scowl. "Did she leave a forwarding address?"

"I can't tell you anything, I don't know you." He smiled, pleased to be able to block Ray's insistence. "Please step back behind the desk before I call security."

In a moment of irritation, Ray swept his jacket aside and flashed his gun at the man. "You sure you want to do that?" Before he could really get him to appreciate his threat, the concierge snatched up a shotgun from beneath the desk and held it steadily levelled at Ray.

"Are you?" Ray groaned as the guy unlocked his clip, it was clear he wasn't going to back down and a shot from an AK was going to do much more damage than a Colt. "Put the gun down."

"I just need to talk to her."

"She sure as hell don't want to talk to you," he retorted, annoyed. "Come in here, demand stuff, threaten me?" He readied the gun. "Put it down or I'll shoot."

Ray chuckled. "You're not going to do that."

The concierge didn't even blink as he took a shot which whizzed straight past Ray's ear. Ray cursed as he clamped his hand over the side of his head and stared at the man, this guy was fucking crazy.

"Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you?"

He looked towards the doors as two uniformed police officers charged in. The concierge pointed at him, all red in the face and flustered.

"Him, take him. He's a stalker, he threatened me with a gun."

"I didn't threaten him," Ray clarified. "I didn't even draw. It was a... communication tool."

The officers didn't seen to care. One took his arms roughly and pulled them behind him while the other disarmed him. Ray stood there, mortified, knowing better than to try and fight off a couple of cops while the concierge clapped with glee.

"We'll have to take you in," one of them muttered. "We can have a chat at the station."

* * *

Abby didn't like being called to the police department at all. She moved cautiously through the parking lot, worried that every single person there was staring at her. The call had been a surprise, she wasn't sure why she had received it. Part of her was positive Conor had gone too far, she would kill him when she got him home.

"I'm here to collect someone," she said quietly at the desk. "Name's Donovan." The woman on the desk nodded and motioned for her to take a seat. Abby looked around at the characters already seated and whispered, "I'll stand, thanks."

She waited for a few moments before she heard Ray swearing as he was brought up from a holding cell. He was being given back his belongings and ranting about how there had been no reason for the arrest. He froze as he saw Abby waiting for him and turned sharply to the officer walking him up.

"What's she doing here?" he muttered darkly.

"Next of kin," was the only answer he got. He was given a shove towards Abby before the officer disappeared into a back office.

"What the hell did you do?" Abby demanded, going red as she saw the eyes staring at her. Ray shook his head.

"Literally nothing," he replied. "So don't you start with me."

Abby's eyes narrowed. "Don't you dare, Ray, don't you dare. What did you do? We have a baby on the way and you're trying to get yourself locked up?" Her voice was a harsh whisper as she tried to control her frustration. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Ray rolled his eyes and walked past her in a bid to leave. He scowled as he noticed his car had been towed to the front of the precinct, it was all scratched down one side and he growled furiously.

"You can't just leave," Abby demanded, crossing her arms. Ray ignored her and moved to get into his car. "I just signed you out of this damn place, Ray, you can't just walk off."

He looked at her dismissively. "Yes I can." Slipping into the Mercedes, he sped out of the lot. Abby huffed for a few moments before hurrying to her own car. She wasn't going to let him get away that, no way.

Ray didn't even look in the rearview as he drove along. He dialled Lena with the click of a button and waited for the call to ring through.

"Hey boss," she said. "What's up?"

"First, change my records with LAPD," he snapped, irate. "You, Avi or Terry as my next of kin."

Lena frowned and tapped away on her computer. "Okay...? I feel I should be apologising for something?"

Ray didn't answer, staring at the road ahead of him with no idea of where he had to go. He swallowed, hesitant, before murmuring, "There's this girl, Alexia Stranhope. We've been having an affair for four years and she's pregnant." Lena didn't answer, it wasn't like she could make a judgement after all. Ray kept a lot of secrets for other people, it was no surprise he had his own. "I love her, Lena."

She nodded. "Tell me what you need."

Ray knew Lena would understand, he pinched the bridge of his nose. "She's selling an apartment. Beverley Hills, Kennedy Drive, penthouse place in the Melrose block. Just find her for me, please? I have to talk to her."

He drove around in a circle for half an hour before Lena tracked down the right address for her. Ray shot down the highway to find the route, tearing along the fast lane in a bit to get across towards San Francisco. He knew the place she had moved to, it was a nice little condo near the sea. Ray trawled slowly along the way, looking for her car, but eventually parked up and knocked.

Abby watched from a block down as Alexia stepped out of the house. She was clad in a floaty little dress, her slim little frame still not betraying her state. Abby's eyes narrowed as she watched the loving way Ray took Lexi's hands and kissed them, trying to win her around. Lexi gave him a thump and he grabbed her, pulling her close and kissing her. His lips devoured hers, his tongue invading her mouth possessively as he held her. Abby could feel her heart aching as she watched them retreat into the house, hand in hand, and shut the door.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N - A little disclaimer on this one - it's not very nice. Well, I mean, it is but then it escalates into not very nice very quickly, so it's not for the faint hearted. Don't you just know it's going to be horrible when I start with a warning? Enjoy! x**

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Alexia stretched out on her bed, her eyelashes fluttering as Ray ran the tips of his fingers from the base of her neck all the way down to her hip and then back up again. Her skin felt like butter to him, soft, malleable beneath his touch. It was impossible not to want to possess her when she felt so divine.

It had taken every bit of self restraint he had to just lie beside her. She had changed into a little camisole and shorts, wanting to just relax with him, and Ray had promised to leave her be. When she had finally let him in he had been relieved beyond belief, he wasn't one for begging but he would have done it for her if he'd had to. So now they had just been... lying here, for two hours, barely speaking. Their loving touches said everything their mouths couldn't enunciate.

"Did you have a check up this week?" Ray asked, leaning his head on her breast. Lexi nodded as he lazily circled her belly button and adjusted her weight beneath him.

"Everything's fine. Everything's perfect, in fact," she said with a little smile. "It's still early days, Ray."

"I know." He lifted his head and looked up at her, his brown eyes exploring hers hungrily. "I know but I can't help it, I'm excited."

Lexi laughed. "At least you've got options," she teased. "How is Abby?"

He felt like a broken record as he said, "Don't talk about her." Lexi gave him a hapless look and he groaned. "She's fine. Further along than you, putting weight on faster than she ever has before." He wrinkled, he hated having that circus of a conversation with her every morning. Yes, she did look fat in those jeans, it was as simple as that. "You know I'm calling it off."

Alexia kissed the top of his head as she wriggled to sit up, leaning back against the headboard. She picked up a bottle of water from beside the bed and took a long sip as she thought about it. "You've had a month to do that, if you really wanted to," she said tauntingly. "Or were you just checking your upgrade was still available first?"

In her mind, she had no doubt that Ray would never really leave Abby. She had seen it too many times before, listened to rich men whine and whinge about their wives and mistresses, contemplate leaving and never actually doing it. Marriage was like a comfort blanket they were too scared to let go of, even with better things available to them.

"Don't say shit like that," Ray said, rolling back onto the pillow beside her. "You know it's not like that, it's just not been possible. Separate beds, eating apart, kids miserable. She can't doubt it's coming."

"Okay." He could tell she wasn't convinced. "But if this wasn't happening?" She tapped her stomach softly beneath her fingers. "You think you'd still be here?"

Ray knew he would be, there was no doubt. "It's been over with her for a long time, you know that, you've heard me bitch about it for four years. This, this is making me make a real decision. Commit," he added, nuzzling her. "I want to commit to you."

"And me to you," she whispered as his lips strayed over hers. Ray sat up, straddling her lap, his hands working through her hair as he dragged her closer and devoured her. His tongue pushed eagerly up against hers, he wanted to taste every bit of her and she seemed all too willing to give herself to him. There was nothing Lexi wanted more than him, she had just never dared to admit it, to him or to herself.

"I'll go back, I'll do it now," Ray assured her as he parted for breath. "I don't want to waste another second, there's no point." He nudged her nose with his own. "You're my only one, it's not like I'm waiting for anything." Lexi smiled and nodded a little, she wanted that. Ray sat up on the bed, beginning to straighten and re-button his shirt. He had spent too long squandering time. She was the only one he wanted, why was he even trying to stick around for Abby when their relationship was dead in the water?

Lexi stood up, brushing her hair into a neat high ponytail as she watched him in the mirror. She could see his eyes roaming over her and she laughed as he stared obsessively at her torso.

"You're not showing yet," he mused quietly. She nodded.

"It's still early. Plus women use that 'eating for two' thing as an excuse to get fat," she added with a wink. "My nutritionist is guiding me through it, I shouldn't get to, you know, waddly penguin size."

When she said things like that, Ray's heart melted. He slipped his arms around her from behind and he looked at their reflection in the mirror as he rocked with her for a moment, subdued and happy. His hands rested on her stomach as he hummed softly in her ear, content. "I want you to get fat," he teased softly. "Huge, like a house. So you can't go out, so I can run around at your goddamn beck and call."

"What are you, some kind of feeder?" She gave him a playful tap and he spun her around, kissing her again with more force.

"I love you," he said, his words full of promise. "Nothing, nothing changes what we have right now. You understand that?" She nodded, her eyes wide and childlike as she looked up at him, and he pushed his lips to hers before letting her go regretfully. "Give me a couple of hours, I'll be back here and it'll be done. I'll call my lawyer in the car." He smiled. "We're doing this, we're really doing this. Okay?"

She nodded, slowly at first but then faster. "Okay," she whispered. Ray sighed.

"I don't think I can leave you," he murmured, playing with her cheek. Lexi shook her head.

"You owe her a real conversation," she said, trying to be rational. "Go. I'll be waiting right here for you."

Ray groaned but nodded, she was right, why was she always right? Lexi was way too often the adult in their relationship, often he was just a petulant child but she suffered him with huge affection. "Fine," he grumbled dramatically, huffing and dragging his feet. He kissed her at the front door one more time before he slipped out.

Alexia sat down at the kitchen table, trying to work out whether she was dreaming. Was it really all falling into place? Was he really going to make that step? She fiddled with her nails anxiously, willing the time away. She wanted him back, she wanted him to hold her and tell her that it was all true, that they would finally be together, legitimately together. She giggled to herself, clamping her hand over her mouth. Maybe it was really going to happen.

There was a knock on the door and she laughed outright. Jumping up excitedly, she whisked the door back as she said, "Come on, Ray, you have to." She was so jovial she didn't even realise Abby was standing on her doorstep, a murderous look in her eye. Lexi swallowed as she finished her sentence and tried to slam the door shut, but Abby wedged it with her foot, her fingers grappling with the edge of the door.

"You nasty little slut," she snarled, shoving it open with her elbow. She stared at Lexi, trying to take her in, trying to commit that image to her memory. She was the complete antithesis of Abby, tall, tanned, with dark hair and features, prominent curves that were just perfect in every goddamn way. She didn't know Ray could be so... predictable.

"Abby, you don't understand."

Lexi reached for her phone anxiously, trying to fumble with it but Abby screamed as she charged at her, slamming her back against the fridge with all the force she possessed. For a little woman, she was strong beyond all belief and Lexi squealed as she was squashed back against the unit. Abby stared at her with venom in her eyes.

"You." Her throat grew dry. "You're a snake. What? Did he tell you he loves you? That he wants to be with you? That he'd leave his family for you?"

Lexi squeezed quickly out of Abby's hold but Abby was on a mission. Fuelled by a strength she didn't even know she had, Abby grabbed one of the chairs from the kitchen table and slammed it against Lexi's back. Lex yelped as she fell to her knees, her phone slipping out of her hand as she tried to find her balance and gasp for breath all in the same second. Seeing her advantage, Abby slapped Lexi hard across the face, sending her careering into leg of the table.

"You're nothing but a ride to him," she growled, grabbing hold of Lexi's ponytail and winding it roughly around her hand. She rammed Lexi's face into the ground furiously, her rage sending her out of control as she tore into her. "You know nothing about him. I won't let a little whore like you come between my husband and his family."

Abby slammed Lexi down with one last roar and looked over her. The girl's face was bloody, her nose broken and her eye already forming a rough bruise. Abby smirked, Ray wouldn't want anything to do with her now. In a final triumphant blaze, she gave Lexi a fierce kick to the stomach that made her cry out, the sound was that of a wounded and broken animal as she tried to protect herself.

"He's not coming back," Abby muttered, spitting on the floor in front of Lexi's face. "And if you ever go near him again, I'll find you and I'll kill you."

She stepped over Lexi's body and slammed the door behind her as she left. Alexia held onto her body, crying and whimpering as she felt a sticky, hot heat between her legs. She ran her fingers to her shorts and burst into tears as she saw blood staining her fingertips and nails. Letting out an almighty sob, one of fear and heartbreak, Lexi let the exhaustion and aching in her body overpower her as she allowed herself to pass out on the kitchen floor.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N - Loved the feedback on that last chapter, sounds like a few of you have it out for Abby! I think you're not the only ones...**

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When Ray got home to find it empty, he waited for an impatient twenty minutes for Abby to return. Seeing Lexi looking so happy beside him, he had no doubts that he was doing the right thing. He'd pay for whatever Abby needed, he knew that she'd never let him get away with anything less and he didn't expect her to. If there was one thing Ray was good at, it was responsibility. He'd accept what he had done and deal with it, just like he knew he had to.

He fiddled around the house, he hated hanging around when he knew that he could be back in bed with Alexia within fifteen minutes of leaving this place. He picked up a framed photograph of the family, rubbing his thumb over Bridget's face with a tingling feeling of sadness. He knew she'd understand, of all of them. Bridget was a firecracker, sure, just like her mother, but she was a romantic and there was no doubt in his head that Bridget would want her father to be happy.

He waited a further few minutes before he picked up the shopping list notepad and scrawled, 'Call me, urgent.' That should be enough for her to get back to him promptly. He'd have to take her out somewhere probably, tell her the truth. He wasn't looking forward to it, for sure, but it was a bump in the road he knew he had to get over.

Ray whistled cheerfully as he hopped up the stairs and packed a few things into a suitcase. A couple of suits, some shirts, underwear. He slipped each of the good watches off its holder and wrapped them in his socks. There was no reason to stay here any more, if anything he wanted to keep his returns to a minimum. Terry would help him get the rest of his stuff, although he had no doubt that Abby would burn anything he left behind. With that in mind, he picked up another couple of his favourite shirts and pushed them into the case.

Without even looking back, he went to the Mercedes and left. The house that had been home for so many years didn't feel like his own now, he wanted something more, something happier. To Abby, it was always about the show. The clothes, the good schools, it was always about image. Lexi was more than that, she simply wanted to be content and she never asked for anything. That was what he needed. He allowed himself a secret smile at the thought, he was finally going to be able to sleep at peace each night beside the woman he had loved for far too long.

He knocked lightly on the door and hummed to himself while he waited for her to answer. When she didn't immediately, he knocked louder and called out to her. "Lex?" Still no response. Ray twitched a little, looking at his shoes sheepishly. Surely she hadn't done a runner? No, that wasn't her style at all. He frowned. "Lexi?"

When he still received no response, he tried the door handle. The front was shut but he could feel the second bolt wasn't locked. He always told her to double lock everything, it was unlike her to ignore such an instruction. He gave the door a thump with his shoulder and felt the wood wrench. With a second shove it slammed back on its hinges. Ray stumbled forward a step and looked around the kitchen in confusion. The moment he saw her on the floor, he felt his heartbeat racing.

"Lex?" He dropped to his knees instantly and rolled her body over. His hands moved over her carefully as he examined the damage to her face, the dark blood running from her nostrils was drying in brown patches across her skin and he moaned softly as he saw her swollen jaw. "Oh Jesus, Lexi, what... baby, wake up." He shook her gently, feeling for a pulse. It was faint but steady, he felt himself growing cold as he looked over the rest of her. There was no doubting the footprint across her camisole and he groaned with an almighty sadness as he saw the blood on her underwear. "Oh no, no no no."

He pawed over her body and roared as he felt the tears stinging his eyes. He buried his head between her breasts, trying to rouse her, trying to bring her to but it was no use. He knew what had happened, he could already tell that their family was destroyed. He felt sick, the urgent need to vomit surging through him as he moved back to pour bile across the floor. He stroked her forehead as he felt well enough to return to her, the guilt of leaving her even for a moment overwhelming him.

"Lex, please." He rocked her unconscious figure in his arms, trying to bring her around as he pushed kiss after kiss on her face. "Please, wake up, I need you." She didn't respond and Ray scrabbled in his pocket for his phone. He clicked Lena's speed dial and whinnied softly as he waited for her to answer.

"Boss."

"I need you to get here. I need an ambulance, or something." He could barely string a sentence together, Lena frowned as she tried to calm him down enough to get a real answer out of him.

"Where are you, Ray?" She could hear him crying, the sound was haunting, one she had never heard before and it made Lena nervous. "Did you drive?" She was already tracking the car to find his location, it was clear that he had no way of really communicating with her when he was in such a distraught mess. Lena followed the tracer and nodded to herself. "Give me a few minutes, I'll get someone there," she promised. "Just stay where you are."

* * *

Lena's heeled boots clicked down the corridor of the hospital as she carried another cup of lukewarm coffee to Ray. He was still pacing the waiting room, furious at being refused access to Alexia's room while the doctors were with her. Not family, he had been told. He chuckled darkly as he glanced at his reflection in the glass of the notice board and gave the wall a kick.

"Here." Lena rested her hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him but knowing it would be an impossible feat. Ray was in no mood to be talked down. He barely even looked at the drink she offered him as he continued to stalk back and forth. "You need to tell me what happened."

"I don't even know." That was the worst bit, for once, Ray had absolutely no control over what was happening. "I went to see Abby, tell her it was over. I got back and she was..." He couldn't even finish the sentence, his lip twitched and he had to suppress the urge not to burst into tears again. "I love her, Lena, and she's hurting."

"I know, boss." Lena wanted to hug him, wrap him in her arms and comfort him but it was impossible. "She'll be okay."

Ray didn't even dare mention the baby. He already knew, in his heart he already knew the answer and he didn't want to hear it confirmed out loud, he was sure it would kill him on the spot. Lena knew better than to ask, all she could do was urge him to sit down beside her and hold his hand.

"Was it a break in?" she asked. Ray shook his head, he didn't know.

"Nothing obvious missing, no signs of a search." He was chewing at his nail nervously, Lena had never seen him do that before. "Nothing."

"I'll have Avy go over it," Lena said encouragingly. "If there's something there, he'll find it. You know he will."

Ray nodded, comforted by the thought. She was right, Avy was the best at what he did, it was why he hired him.

They both looked up as a doctor rounded the corner. She looked at Ray with a sad smile as she murmured, "Mr Donovan?" Ray was on his feet within a second but the doctor motioned for him to sit again. That could only mean bad things.

"Is she okay?" Ray asked desperately. The doctor nodded.

"She's fine, she basically passed out. Low blood pressure, shock, they don't really go all that well together." She started to shake her head. "I do have some bad news though. Did you know she was pregnant?"

Ray felt his heart skipping anxiously. "Yes. We're together, it's mine." He could see it, clear as day on the woman's face. "It... was mine."

"I'm sorry for your loss," the doctor murmured quietly. "The first few months is-"

Lena motioned for her to stop, Ray wasn't listening. He was lost, his whole expression was one of an inexplicable, impossible pain. The doctor waited but Lena motioned for her to go, there was no joy in watching his suffering. Ray felt himself slipping down in his seat as he started to cry, allowing the heat in his eyes to well out. There was no stopping him as he sobbed into Lena's shoulder as she hugged him supportively, unable to do anything but be there for him to hold onto as everything else slipped out of his grasp.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N - Hope you're all doing well, love you all and thank you for all of your support. Really interested in seeing your reactions to the next chapter... ;)**

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"Good morning."

Ray had fallen asleep in the guest's chair. Once he had been allowed in, he didn't want to go again and he simply fell asleep, exhausted by everything going on in his head. Lexi's voice was weak and small as she spoke, but her hand strayed to him when she saw him, trying to hold on to him for some sense of strength. The tiniest connection between the two of them made Ray sit up instantly, his eyes opening.

"Morning." He leaned forward in his seat, planting his heels into the ground as he interwove his fingers with hers carefully. She was smiling dozily as her thumb ran up and down over his knuckle, relieved to be holding on to him. "How do you feel?"

Alexia wrinkled her nose, she felt fine, strangely fine. Maybe a little woozy, but her body felt normal. "Heady, I guess," she said, shrugging. She looked around at the stark room and moved her hand to see a single feed, she sure didn't expect to be in a hospital.

Ray swallowed as he tapped the wire into her. "It's just sugar, keeping you strong." He leaned over her, wiping her hair back from her face, and Lexi smiled as she blinked slowly, purring gently at his touch. He sighed, not sure of what to say. How could he possibly tell her? "Lex. You were attacked. At your place, at the condo." She looked at him in surprise. "Do you... remember anything?"

She closed her eyes as she leaned back and shook her head. "Nothing. I'm okay though, right?" Her skin suddenly went white as she looked at him. "We're okay?" Her hand moved instinctively to her stomach but she could see Ray's eyes growing wet. For a man who never emoted a thing, his face said everything: he didn't need to say it, she already knew and a wail escaped her lips. It was gentle, the smallest sound, pitiful, she could barely form it but it was there. Ray reached for her but she shied away. "Say it." He shook his head and she raised her voice as she growled, "Say it."

"It's not going to help us, Lex," he whispered. "Please."

"Say it." It was a demand now, one that she spat, looking at him with eyes that dared him not to. When he chose not to speak, she withdrew and went silent, every millimetre of her body language shutting down, shutting him out. Ray knew he had no choice.

"It's gone." A single tear rolled slowly down his cheek as he tried to control himself. "We... we lost our baby."

The words hung thick and ugly in the air between them and Alexia felt her whole body turn cold. Just the words made it all come back to her, Abby at the house, the brutal assault she had suffered. She shivered, sobbing breathlessly as she held on to everything inside. The rage, the outrage, the sense of shame the swept over her. Ray could see the change in her face, there was something wrong, something more than the simple truth he had told her.

"Do you... do you remember?"

Lexi nodded slowly, the tears stinging her eyes as she held her hand to her forehead. "It was..." She felt weak as she stopped herself. However much she wanted to do it, however much she wanted to tell Ray what had happened, she simply couldn't do it.

"Can you remember anything?" Ray asked, taking to his feet and pacing, hating that she wouldn't let him touch her. "The tiniest thing, just one detail can help me find them. I swear to God, I'll kill them. Just give me... give me something." He felt so helpless, there was just nothing he could do. Ray hated it, he hated to feel so feeble, unable to do a thing. "Anything, please."

"It was a chance burglary," Lexi whispered, staring at her hands. She didn't want to tell him the truth. She couldn't face knowing what he would do. "Just some kids, looking for jewellery. Nondescript." She closed her eyes and held her hand to stomach, feeling exponentially sick with every second that passed. "I think you need to go. Go to your wife. To your family."

Ray laughed darkly. "You are my family." She shook her hea

"No, I'm not. I'm just a girl you slept with." He tried to take her hand but she kept it away from him, too fearful that Abby would come back to hurt her again. "You need to go."

Ray was shaking his head as he stared at her, his hands on his hips, pushing his jacket away from his body. "Alexia, no. You're not doing this." She desperately stretched to reach for the panic button beside her bed. Ray saw her go for it and managed to intercept her, snatching it out of her way. She struggled against him as he held it from her. "No, Lex."

"No!" She thumped her fists against him furiously, the uncontrollable sadness ebbing out of her as she started to hit him harder and harder. Her knuckles slammed into him as the pain burst through, each movement was stronger and angrier and more defeated. Now she felt herself cry, she couldn't stop herself.

Ray straddled her on the bed, holding her wrists as she weakened even further. Her head leaned against his shoulder as she burst into a fresh set of tears, realising it was all gone. The baby, the dream life she could have with him. It was done, all lost in a mere few seconds. She could hardly breathe as she gasped for air, unable to control herself.

"Alexia, please," he whispered as he held her, his arms around her. Finally, the sound came out, a blood-curdling howl of despondency. Ray felt his very being crumble away as he tried to comfort her, but there was nothing left. The sick truth was he couldn't protect her.

"I'll find them," he promised, his voice so gentle in her ear. "I swear to God, I'll make them pay."

Lexi shook her head, pushing him back. He wasn't worth the risk, she couldn't do this. "No, you won't," she muttered. "Just go. I don't want you here, I just... Get out. I've got nothing to offer you now."

Ray felt so impotent as she said that. He sat back on his heels on the bed, his hands behind his head as he looked at her, trying to explain it all. "Lex. It's you, it's all you. It's not about the baby, it was never about the baby. I love you."

She tangled her limbs together, protecting her body from him as she held herself tightly. "I can't love you," she replied, barely able to put the words together. "We're done, Ray. At least you have another option."

He opened his mouth to object but she twisted her body away from him, burying her head in the pillows. There was nothing he could say or do, she had shut him out. Ray stood for a moment in the room, staring blankly, before he kicked the visitor's chair over in fury and let out an almighty roar. Lexi didn't even flinch, every part of her was locked down, perfectly still, unable to respond. Every bit of her excitable spirit was dead, and Ray would never know why.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N - Hello lovely people! Hope you're all doing well - sorry it's taken me so long to update, a couple of those pesky ****_Sons of Anarchy_**** boys have been driving me CRAZY lately so I've been spending some time over there. Anyway, hope this satisfies that itch... Enjoy! And I look forward to your thoughts... S x**

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Ray spent the next few weeks in his apartment, alone. Every night was a drunken mess, he barely left the place other than to fetch another bottle of scotch from the store on the corner. Lena popped in every day with groceries, mostly using them as an excuse to check he was still alive, and she never stayed for long. Every time Ray glanced at his phone, it was Ezra, trying to track him down and sounding more annoyed that Ray was still out of action.

Abby was another issue. Every few days Ray would get another tirade of abuse from her over the phone, ranting about the kids or the house. He was sick of it, it didn't want to hear any of it. There was only one thing he needed and she had shut him out completely. He had never needed Alexia as much as he did then. He needed to hold her, to mourn with her, but he was alone and the weight of his depression was killing him slowly.

He tried to ignore the door as he heard another cascade of knocks. Lena never bothered to knock, she knew he wouldn't answer, but Ray stumbled to his feet in just a pair of sports pants as he peered idly through the spyhole to see Terry standing there, looking anxious. He was about to creep back when Terry announced,

"I can hear you breathing, Ray, open the goddamn door."

Begrudgingly, Ray slid the chain across with an almighty sigh and unlocked it. Terry pushed his way in quickly, before he changed his mind, and looked around at the place. Every available space on the kitchen counter was full of bottles - beer, whisky, gin - and empty glasses. He wrinkled his nose, the whole place stank of alcohol and sweat. "Fuck." He looked at his brother and his heart softened, Ray had never looked as lost as he did right there, standing there dopily. "What the hell's happened?"

It was just the question to break him. Terry put his arms around his brother and hugged him, and Ray promptly burst into tears. He couldn't help himself, the overwhelming pain in his chest hit him like a wave and drowned him almost instantly. Terry felt his own eyes grow wet as he held him tight, trying to comfort something he didn't even understand.

"Oh Raymond," he said, looking at him. Gone was the polished, smooth Ray Donovan he was so used to. This man was a shell of himself, bearded and unkempt, with bloodshot eyes and bags from a lack of sleep. He had clearly done nothing but drink for days, he looked thin and unwell, his skin an ashen kind of grey that made Terry worry. "Abby's been tearing her hair out looking for you."

Just her name made him shake his head, Ray didn't even want to think about her. In his quietest moments, he wanted to call her, patch it all up, try and get something back that he might be able to call a life but it wasn't right and he knew it wasn't. He didn't want to just be okay, he wanted to be happy and he needed Lexi for that.

"There's someone else," Ray sobbed, his body shaking as he admitted the words that weighed so heavily on his shoulders. Terry pulled a face, he had suspected as much. He patted Ray's back, trying to get some sense out of him.

"She done a runner or something?" he asked, frowning. He gave Ray a brotherly punch. "Some broad's got you in this state?" Ray nodded, trying to wipe his tears away but they just kept coming. Terry looked at him sympathetically. "She that good, huh?"

Ray nodded. "I left her," he whispered, his saliva sticking his lips together as he spoke. "I left Abby, to be with her. We were going to start a family. We had started a family." His lips started to twitch again as another moan escaped his mouth. "We were having a baby, Ter. She was attacked, and..." He whimpered. "I don't know who did it, I can't find a goddamn thing. She said it was just kids, but I got nothing."

"Where is she?" Terry frowned, he'd missed an important question. "Who is she?" When Ray started to shake his head, Terry already knew the answer. "It's that girl from the gym, isn't it? The boxer."

Every word he said made Ray want to cry even more. He looked around at the mess of his apartment and shook his head, cradling his head in his arms.

"Jesus, Terry, it's all a goddamn mess." He put his face in his hands. "Me and Abby, it's over, it's been over for ages. You know that." Terry swallowed, it wasn't the first time Ray had said that, that was for sure. "I had this chance, this chance to be happy and it's gone. She's shut me out, I can't even find her."

Terry looked at him. "Have you tried?" Ray frowned and Terry crossed his arms. "Or have you been sitting in this shithole feeling sorry for yourself? No brother of mine would say he'd tried if he'd just been sitting in here crying like a goddamn girl." He gave Ray a thump. "Take a shower and shave, we can go and find her." Ray looked at him quizzically and Terry motioned for him to hurry up. "I ain't got all day, Ray, come on."

Within an hour they were out of the apartment and taking a drive. Terry wasn't sure what he was looking for but he drove along anyway, his eyes peeled as he eagerly looked for anything that might help. Ray sat, staring out of the window wistfully as Los Angeles sped past them. Terry glanced across as they stopped at some traffic lights and pulled a face.

"How long you been together?" he asked. Ray shrugged.

"Been seeing her for a few years. Therapy." He laughed at the very idea. "She'd listen to me bitch and moan about shit with Abby."

"And then you'd sleep with her?" Terry shook his head and laughed. "We got different ways of treating women, you and me."

That made Ray smile and he glanced over at his brother. He nodded slowly and patted his leg. "Thanks. You didn't have to do this."

"I'm doing it for your kids, Ray," Terry said. "Conor, he called me last night. Abby, she's hysterical. Smashing shit up at your house, having a hissy fit every couple of hours about you fooling around on her. I don't know what she knows, but she sure knows something."

The words barely sank into Ray's mind. "Came home one night without showering," he muttered by way of explanation. "She doesn't know her, they've never met." Terry laughed.

"You better keep it that way. Abby's a goddamn fireball and that Stranhope's got a good right hook." Ray smiled, Terry had this way of easing his pain just by talking. He chewed on the tip of his finger as they drew up out the front of the condo Lexi had been staying in. Ray looked at it, it was clearly abandoned. The hospital had refused to give him anything after she checked out, he had no idea where she was.

As they pulled away and headed back around a different circuit, Ray subconsciously glanced in the direction of his home. Taking it as an indicator, Terry turned and slowed as they reached the house. He gave Ray a tough smile.

"You want to go and do the honourable thing?" he offered. Ray shook his head.

"Nope," he chuckled. "Not in a million years." Terry had been about to cut the engine but he sighed and nodded, easing the clutch again. He was about to move on when the front door opened and Abby came out. She looked puffy, her face and eyes red and her stomach swollen outwards. Ray froze, staring at her, and motioned for Terry to stay still. Terry leaned around him to look.

"Jesus, she's huge."

Ray felt his heart beating faster as he saw Abby standing there. Her hands were shaking as she fought with the car key fob, it wouldn't seem to work and she was quickly losing her patience with it. He unclipped his seatbelt and reached for the door handle. Terry moved to stop him but Ray was already up and out, jogging down the drive to reach her.

"Here." He reached around her and took the fob, clicking it twice. The car unlocked and Abby let out a breathy sob as she looked at him.

"Jesus, Ray, where the hell have you been?"

Instead of the chiding he expected, she wrapped her arms around him tightly and leaned into him. Her head pressed up against his chest in an instant, she had missed him too much and she was sure that he had gone forever but here he was, at their home. Ray sighed and then stroked her head gently.

"Just needed some time," he whispered. "The baby's okay?" She nodded.

"Yeah. I got a scan..." She swallowed and motioned back towards the house. "Do you want to come and take a look?"

Ray glanced back towards Terry's car for a second before he nodded. "Yeah, yeah of course I want to." He put his arm around her as he ushered her back inside, his basic instinct to protect his pregnant wife too strong to ignore. Terry groaned as he watched him going, pinching his nose. This guy just didn't know what to do with himself.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N - It is a sad truth that most fanfictions rarely have full chapters dedicated to women talking to each other. So this chapter is one, it's a little dark but you'll understand why later. Things always fit into place long term, you know that ;-) So enjoy!**

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Lena always tried not to interfere. It was hard, most of the time, Ray was very good at sorting out immediate messes but he didn't usually have a particularly good eye for the after-effect details. Things that seemed obvious to Lena often escaped him, but she always chose to leave him to his own devices and ways. They clearly just suited him better.

Alexia Stranhope, however, was a detail she just couldn't overlook in the same way. Ray's devout and loving confession had sat on Lena's mind for too long, she hadn't seen him so passionate and excited in years and she hated that he was giving himself over to the mundane once more.

Lena wound her window down as she watched Lexi look slyly around as she drew her car up to the front of a little boutique hotel just outside of LA and tossed her keys to the valet. She watched as the woman glanced about her, clearly fearful she was being watched or followed, and went into the reception. Lena traced her footsteps, keeping her distance.

"Another night, ma'am?" The receptionist smirked a little as Lexi put some cash down on the desk. Lena sighed, she was trying to keep off-grid alright, no credit card was always a sign of staying under the radar and untraceable.

"Yes, and move the room again." Lexi wasn't taking any chances, at least if she kept moving around the same place, Ray wouldn't have too much of a trail if he bothered to come looking. "And I'm really not a hooker."

The receptionist winked. "Sure." It was clearly an ongoing joke, it made Lena sad to see the woman having to make such a dark jest to keep herself concealed. Lexi snatched up the new key card and whispered a little 'thank you' before she disappeared towards the lobby elevator.

Lena jogged to catch up and held the doors just as they were about to shut. Lexi gave her a tight smile as Lena glanced over the floor panel, noting the thirteenth floor light lit.

"Same," she said with a nod. Lexi didn't say anything, just turned her eyes down to the floor and waited patiently. Her oversized sunglasses seemed out of place, Lena studied them for a minute before noticing a little bruising on the edge of Lexi's forehead. She swallowed. "Some asshole do that to you?" Lexi didn't answer and Lena pressed her lips together. "I don't mean to pry."

"Well you are," Lexi said shortly. "I don't need your concern, thanks."

No wonder Ray liked her, the girl was a bitch. Lena nodded, drumming her fingernails against the metal handrail, before she leaned across and slammed her hand on the emergency stop. Lexi frowned as she looked at her and moved to depress it, but Lena held her hand over the button.

"What are you doing?" she demanded, annoyed. "I'm sorry, I'm in a rush."

"What happened to your eye?" Lena stared at her before she reached across and snatched Lex's sunglasses away. She hissed as she saw the swollen, red-purple patch across her eye socket. "Jesus Christ, who did that?"

Lexi growled as she grabbed her glasses, horrified, and recovered her face. "What the hell? Who are you? Do I know you?" After a second she laughed, at herself more than anything. "Did Ray send you?"

Lena crossed her arms, using her back to shield the elevator control panel. "No, he didn't." Lexi could already tell there was a connection there. "But if he knew you were hurt-"

Lexi snorted. "What? He'd come and take care of me?" She looked Lena over suspiciously. "Don't feed me his bullshit, I don't need it and I don't need him, so you can go back and tell him not to send his skivvies to do his dirty work because he's too scared to say he wants the relationship with the kid attached."

Lena looked at her, this girl was hurting so deeply she didn't even know where to start trying to help her heal. "He didn't send me," Lena corrected quietly. Lexi rolled her eyes but Lena reached across and touched her shoulder. "I'm serious. He doesn't know I'm here, and he won't."

When Lexi moved to start the elevator moving again, Lena didn't stop her. She stepped aside and let it happen. As they reached the thirteenth, Lena followed Lexi out and to the door of her room. She leaned her head against the wall, looking at her as she fumbled with the key.

"Can I come inside?" she asked. "Just for five minutes?"

"I don't know you," Lexi said sharply. "You should leave before I call security."

"Call them," Lena shrugged. "But at least let me come in while they're coming up."

Lexi groaned, Lena would be just as persistent as Ray and she already knew it. Annoyed, she gave the door an extra kick to allow Lena to follow her in. Lena entered, looking around the homely little hotel room. Alexia was clearly travelling light, she had one bag on the floor and almost nothing in the place to show she was staying in there. Lexi dropped down into a seat in front of the mirror and dug through her handbag for some concealer.

"I just got in a fight," she said by way of explanation as Lena stared at her applying a thick layer of make up to her eye. It wasn't like Lena hadn't seen a beaten woman before, it just bothered her to know Ray had no idea.

"With what? An iron rod?" Lena rolled her eyes. "Come on, don't bullshit me."

"I don't have a lot of friends here," Lexi muttered coldly. "So I stick to the ones I have."

Lena didn't like that, she didn't like to hear a victim try and justify her circumstances. "Whoever did that to you is no friend of yours," she said. "Boyfriend?"

"None of your business." Lexi clipped her compact shut fiercely. "And none of his either. I'll be gone by the time you get back here with him, if that's how you want to play it."

Lena shook her head. "This isn't a game. You're hurt. Someone did that to you."

"And I'm okay with that," Lexi snapped. "I'd rather let someone do that to me physically than let them damage me emotionally again." There it was, that was the crux of it. "A bruise will fade, in time."

"Unless you're dead." Lena was blunt as she said it. "Because this guy will kill you. Eventually. They always do. It starts with a punch or a smack, black eye. Broken jaw, broken rib. A knife. A gun. Then you're another body, another clean up, another statistic in a database of shit that nobody follows up."

Lexi laughed at that. "He wouldn't be the first man to pull a gun on me," she said. Lena groaned, it was just like Ray to get all theatrical with this woman.

"Ray loves you," Lena insisted. "Whatever you think you know..."

"I know that he's at home, playing happy families with his wife," Lexi said curtly. "And that's fine. I'm making my own relationships work, thank you." Lena smiled and leaned across, stilling Lexi's anxious hand.

"How's that working out?" Lexi looked like she was about to snap when Lena continued. "I know you're hurt, and I know you're sad, but this isn't the answer. And if you think it is, I'm going to tell him so he can try and change your mind."

"Tell him," Lexi shrugged. "What's he going to do? Hunt me down again? Torture my little brother?"

Shit, Lena had no idea Ray had been so involved and acted so psychotically. "He's just trying to take care of you."

"I don't need him to feel sorry for me," Lexi said, shaking her head. "I think you should leave. Please," she added, trying to keep some resemblance of politeness in her tone. "Please don't tell him. I just need... something else." Her voice broke as she said it and the semblance of normality she was trying to hold on to snapped. "Something to stop it hurting."

As Lena moved to stroke her hair, Lexi felt a wave of emotion crush her. She sobbed and Lena moved to her, putting her arms around her carefully. Lexi moaned softly into the stranger's shoulder, closing her eyes as she let go of everything she was so desperately trying to keep bottled up within her.

"You need each other," Lena whispered as she tended to her gently. "Don't you understand? You both need to grieve, you're both in pain and neither of you can deal with it properly without the other." Lexi was shivering in her arms as she rubbed her back. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, I really am, but this? Hurting yourself with this asshole? It won't achieve anything."

Lexi shook her head. "He doesn't need me now he has his psychotic Abby." For a brief second, she was sure she might tell Lena the truth but she shook her head. "He doesn't want me." Lena laughed.

"No, you've got it all wrong. He needs to know you need him. Please, just meet him, just once." She held her hand tightly. "I can be there, if you want. No sides, just there."

Slowly, Alexia nodded. The idea of talking to him suddenly sounded so appealing, she desperately wanted to sit down with him again, have him hold her and tell her it would all be okay.

"Give me a few days," she murmured. "Let this heal over before he loses his shit," she added, tapping her eye. Lena nodded.

"I'll set it up." She smiled. "I swear, you won't regret it."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N - I'm a big fan of good luck and Ray's getting a monumental bit of good luck. Sort of. Enjoy!**

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"Where are you going?"

Ray was getting sick of the question. Every time he put his damn shoes on, he heard the same damn thing. 'Where are you going?' 'How long will you be?' His favourite was always, 'Can I come?' - to which the answer was always, always 'no'. He leisurely finished tying his laces before he looked up to see Abby standing there expectantly, her swollen stomach looking bigger by the minute.

"Ezra, he's been hassling me to get back to work," he said solemnly. "I can't put him off any more."

Abby nodded, her hand resting on her tummy. She knew Ray's days of being out-of-touch with everyone were numbered, she just didn't realise he'd be determined to get back to work within a few days of coming home. "Something fun?"

Ray didn't answer, he never did when she asked about work. She leaned against the doorframe, her head lolled to one side. She studied him, he had finally decided to dress again properly, no more sweats and tees, he was in his pristine suit and shirt, looking every inch the man she knew him to be. Part of her feared it was all to go out to some woman again - worse still, _that_ woman - but she swallowed it down.

"Will you sleep in our bed tonight, Ray?" she asked gently. "You must be aching, you're way to tall for Bridget's."

Ray scratched at his jaw absently. "Yeah, maybe," he grunted. He was tired of trying, tired of chasing. Maybe he just had to give in to what he knew was safe and secure. He stood up and kissed her cheek lightly as he passed her. "I'll see you later."

He left and drove straight to Ezra's office. His old friend sat at his desk, leaning back with his fingers arched as he chatted with a client. Ray knocked twice before entering and Ezra stood instantly, relieved to see him.

"Raymond!" He threw his arms around him, cuddling him close and patting his back. Ray was like his son, and knowing he had been in a bad place had filled Ezra with sadness. "Good to have you home."

Ray smiled a little. Home, that word had no meaning for him any more. There was only place his heart wanted to be and that 'home' no longer welcomed him. "Just needed some time." He looked at the blonde woman sitting in the seat, she was dressed in a corporate-looking dress and heels. She stood to introduce herself but Ray just ignored her, disinterested. "What do you need?"

"Cadance Matthews, her uncle is John Thomas, you remember?" Ray did, the man was an arrogant, conceited prick.

"Sure, great guy." His eyes swam over her briefly, where once he would have enjoyed taking her in, she just reminded him of the perfection he really sought and the disappointment he had in losing it.

"Ms Matthew's husband, Tyler Matthews." Ray nodded, he knew the name, the guy was a producer with a three-k-a-day coke habit and a temper. "Affair, probably."

"Something messy," she chipped in. "He's been coming home, bloody knuckles, stinks of sex." Cadance shook her head, pressing her hand to her chest. "My family have a lot of money buried in his work. You can understand my need for... assurance." Ray nodded, they always wanted that. 'Assurance' was legal back-up for the divorce.

"He got a haunt?" Ray shoved his hands in his pockets.

"An apartment in Santa Monica, the house is in West Hollywood." Ray smiled, it always was. "I want this to work, Mr Donovan."

Ezra smiled warmly. "We all do," he said. "Raymond will get you your answers."

Ray gathered the address and slipped out as silently as he had come in. It was a quiet drive up, he was lost in his thoughts as he stared out, double-checking the licence plates on every single black convertible he passed, just in case. Every part of him wanted to abandon everything as he drove, he just wanted to find a rock to crawl beneath.

He took the coast road out and hummed quietly to himself. He had always wanted to do something normal with Alexia. Take her to the beach, or out to a restaurant. They had never been able to, the secret had always been too strong but now he wanted it more than ever. Now he couldn't have it.

He slammed his brakes as he pulled off to a parking bay on the side of the highway. What the hell was wrong with him? Quiet moments often made him contemplative but now he just felt miserable. He missed her, he missed her laughter and the way she always gave him a hard time. He missed the feel of her as she melted beneath his palms when he touched her. He missed the way she kissed him, slow, like they had all the time in the world.

He slapped himself as he looked in the mirror, trying to shake off his mood. "Come on, idiot," he muttered. "She doesn't want you. You've got work to do."

He eased off again and drove the last few miles to the apartment block. As he ghosted around the concierge, he headed straight up to the eighth floor and leaned his head against the door. Already, he could hear shouting.

"You can't just leave." That was Tyler Matthews, for sure. Smart, assured, violently confident. "What, you think you'll be okay on your own? Just you? Look how that turned out last time."

A woman squealed and Ray heard the accompanying thump as the girl hit the floor. He rolled his eyes, this jackass was probably flexing his muscle on some unsuspecting new kid looking for her Hollywood big break.

"I funded you. I gave you the cash to start on your own, everything you have is because of me and now look what you're making me do."

Ray could tell the voices were far enough away, they were in the second room. Using a card, he jimmied the lock and let himself in in silence. He kept himself pressed to the wall as he edged through the apartment, one hand on his revolver. This guy just needed a couple of smacks to the head and a good reminder that he didn't need to knock women around to look like a big man.

He could hear the woman whispering, her voice was low and he could barely make out the words as he edged towards the bedroom. Tyler snapped furiously at her.

"You don't get to end anything. You came back to me, remember? I say when we're done and I'm not done with you."

Ray hated thugs like these. He carefully pushed the door to the room open just enough to see a sliver of the action. Tyler was a big guy, tall and muscular, and his body blocked Ray's view of the woman. He could hear her voice though, strong and powerful as she asserted herself.

"I'm out, Tyler."

Ray could feel his mind surging, he was so sure it was Alexia's voice but his cravings for her were overpowering, all-consuming. He willed it away and grimaced as he saw Tyler drag the girl to the ground, straddling her fiercely as he slammed his fists into her face.

"I'm. Not. Done." Every word was punctuated with another blow, the woman took it with little resistance. Ray couldn't bare to watch any more, he was done with this. Giving the door a shove with his shoulder, he started to wade in there when he heard a sudden, ear-splitting gunshot, followed by another.

Fuelled on his adrenaline, he ploughed forward and grabbed Tyler by the back of his hair to pull him away from his victim, presuming he had taken the shot, but it took Ray a moment to realise that the man's body was limp and moved with little effort. He swallowed as he twisted Tyler's body to see the bullet holes in him, one in his chest and another in his head. The girl cowered on the floor, her face spattered with blood as her hands shook. She dropped the gun in fear as she saw Ray standing there.

"Oh fuck."

Ray hadn't even looked at her yet, but hearing her speak made him drop Tyler in an instant. His heart was in his throat as he looked at Alexia, bruised and bloody and on her knees. He dropped down beside her in an instant, his palm wiping the dripping blood from her face, smearing it across her skin to stop it from running into her eyes.

"Jesus Christ." He could barely believe it, this had to be some sort of sick joke. His thumb dwelled on her split lip, the one Tyler had given her while Ray had been figuring out his next move, and he was suddenly overcome by the need to hold her. Ignoring the blood, ignoring the mess, he pulled her to him and held her as he felt her beginning to cry against him.

He could feel himself slipping into a defensive, primal mode. He looked around the room, there was no way out of this. She would be on the sheets, in the shower, staining every inch of this damn place. He lifted the gun, dropping the remaining bullets as he disarmed it.

"Where did you get this?" he asked. Lexi swallowed, scrambling for an answer.

"Freddy, he made me get one." She could barely look at him, her whole body was convulsing in panic. "Fuck, Ray, what have I done?"

"Nothing, you've done nothing," he insisted. "You don't know this guy, you don't know this place, you've never been here." He looked out the window. "Is your car here?"

She shook her head and stammered for an answer. "I took a cab, he wanted me to. How... how did you find me?"

Ray stroked her hair gently. "I didn't mean to." He was overwhelmed by the need to ask her how she was, where she'd been, but the blood staining her cheeks reminded him he didn't have the time. "I need you to do everything I ask you to right now, Lex, do you understand?" She nodded and he stood up, moving around the room quickly. He lifted a shirt and some boxers out of the wardrobe. "You take off those clothes, all of them, leave them in the bath. Shower, put this on."

He put the clothes on the bed and watched as Lexi obediently started to strip off. He felt his heart pounding as he saw her body, stained with brown and purple bruises in an array of stages of healing and he kicked at Tyler's corpse hatefully. She looked at him, shy for the first time in their long relationship, and tiptoed to the bathroom to do as he had instructed.

Ray looked around the bedroom, this would take hours to clean. He looked at himself in the mirror, his own shirt was now smeared with blood, he'd need to change before he could leave. He pulled a face as he looked around and grabbed his phone.

"Avi," he muttered. "I've got a clean-up. And I need a new shirt."

He could hear Avi smiling. "Sure, boss, I can be there in ten. You okay?"

Ray leaned around the doorframe of the bathroom. He could see Lexi washing her body, her slender silhouette behind the shower curtain swaying as she scrubbed the blood from her skin. He nodded slowly, feeling his usually-steady heartbeat growing a little faster.

"Yeah, I think I am."

He clocked off the call as she turned off the water and towelled herself down. Ray nodded for her to leave it in the bath with the clothes, it would all be torched soon enough. She got dressed in front of him, keeping her eyes averted from him, embarrassed. Ray turned away from her, offering her a little privacy but it didn't take him long to look back again.

"You're going to take my keys, I'm parked a block up. Drive to my apartment and lock yourself inside. Nobody comes in, Lex, you stay there until I come to you."

She started to button the shirt like a dress over her naked frame. Ray ground his back teeth together as he watched her, trying to remind himself what trouble she was in but it was near impossible when all he wanted to do was make love to her there and then.

"Why are you helping me?" she whispered. "Ray, I... I killed him."

"No you didn't." Ray was fierce as he said it, prowling closer to her. "You don't even think that for a second, you understand?" He leaned over her, careful not to get his dirty clothes on her fresh ones and he kissed her forehead for a long, possessive moment. "You're my family and I'm taking care of you," he promised her softly. "Now go, let me clean all this mess up once and for all."


	20. Chapter 20

Ray unlocked his apartment door completely noiselessly. He hung his key on the hook and kicked off his shoes at the entrance, last thing he needed was trudge anything through his place. He looked around, the main room was empty and the balcony was clear.

"Lex?"

He immediately started towards his gun as he padded through to the bedroom, but his hand eased on his weapon as he saw Lexi. She was fast asleep in his bed, beneath his sheets, and he could just see her bare, perfectly manicured toes peeking out from beneath the end of the covers. Ray smiled, his heart feeling a surge of warmth. She had never been here, she had never been in his home or in his bed.

He unbuttoned his shirt and dropped his pants as he crossed to sit on the edge of the mattress beside her. Her tan skin glowed against the white cotton sheets, her dark hair rolled out in waves over the pillows. She had rested a bag of frozen peas over her face to reduce the soreness, but even with that, he was sure she had never looked so beautiful to him as she did then. Her bare shoulders hinted at her naked form, and Ray sneakily lifted the sheets to see that she wore nothing at all.

He kicked his legs up and lay back beside her, careful not to touch her or disturb her. His hand was behind his head on the cushions as he gazed at her shapely shoulder bones and the nape of her neck that begged him to kiss it. He smiled, unable to resist, and rolled onto his side, putting one protective arm around her waist and pulling himself close to her. He wanted to feel the connection of his body against hers, just for a minute, and he buried his nose in her hair as he inhaled her intoxicating smell. She smelled of soap and lemons, a stark contrast from the bleach scent on Ray's own hands.

"It's all done now, Lex," he whispered breathlessly against her ear. The palm of his hand ran against her stomach and he was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. Last time they had lain in bed together, she was beginning to feel just that tiniest bit rounder to him. She had been laughing, they had talked about her getting fat. He felt a tear sneak into the corner of his eye at the memory, he would have loved that.

"Gentle."

He blinked his eyes open as he heard her voice, light and barely audible. She leaned back, rolling against him, and repositioned his hand against her torso, moving it away from the bruised areas. She gave him a half-hearted smile as she lifted the ice pack. Ray ghosted his hand away as he looked over her face, her black eye and swollen lip.

"I know, I look like shit, right?"

He laughed, barely able to believe she was able to joke about it. He shook his head, not sure what he could say.

"You look like a fighter to me," he said. He wanted to ask her all about how she had got mixed up with that asshole, how she had ever let him put a hand on her, but it felt like wasting time. "Jesus, I've missed you."

Her lips twitched into a nervous sort of smile and she nodded as she looked at him. "I've missed you too," she whispered softly. "What... happened? Back at his place?"

Ray pursed his lips, he wasn't about to give her details of Avi's cleaning detail, or the body they had buried out in the desert. "It's all sorted, don't you worry about that." He stroked her hair, desperate to tell her that he'd never let her be alone again. "Lex, I-"

She had already started shaking her head. With a sad smile, she murmured, "How's your wife?" Ray had to laugh, she always asked him that same damn question.

"Don't talk about her," he replied, just as he always did. Lexi opened her mouth to object but he pushed a kiss onto her lips, strong without being forceful. Lex whimpered, it hurt but at the same time, it felt wonderful. She twisted toward him a little more and her arm snaked around his neck, pulling him a little closer as she sought his kisses. She craved them, every brush of his tongue was healing for her, fulfilling her every need.

Ray wrapped his leg around hers, pulling her hips to his as they kissed frantically, desperately. He could hear the soft, pained murmurs against his lips but she seemed so intent on his caressed that they melted away. His hands got up into her hair, his fingernails gently scratching against her scalp as he pulled her into another kiss and another kiss, he could never get enough.

"I need you," he whispered with a strange sense of urgency. Alexia could feel it too, a desperation to connect with him. She nodded, barely, and Ray pushed his erection against her, writhing his hips to hers and teasing her clit with his hard on. He could see Lexi's eyes roll back, a mixture of pleasure and pain overtaking her body as he teased her, trying not to put too much pressure on her body.

Ray slipped along the bed, his lips leaving a wet trail along her body as he pushed the sheets away. He wound his way through the bruised islands of her skin, careful not to hurt her, and settled lower, his lips nibbling her hip tenderly. He looked up at her for assurance, maybe even permission, as he extended her leg to the side and kissed along her inner thigh. His nose grazed her intimately and he heard her gasp, the breath rushing through her lungs as his tongue lapped at her. He felt like velvet, soft and luxurious against her, and electric impulses flooded her body.

Ray held her hips, he loved to her feel her pleasure but he needed to give her more, he wanted to give her everything. She whinnied gently as he slipped his finger into her, building on the rhythm of his tongue and making her heart race faster with every little movement. They needed this, they'd needed this for too long.

"Come here," he insisted as he prowled over her, letting her taste herself as he kissed her lips ardently. Lexi moaned into his mouth as he suddenly grabbed her hips and lifted her ass, allowing himself to slide into her. He felt bigger, thicker, somehow, and she arched her back to accommodate him. It was like she had forgotten him. Everything hurt, every inch of her body, but it didn't matter for a second. Ray was there.

"Make love to me," she whispered, her golden eyes flashing at him as she looked up. It was all Ray wanted to do as he slowly, gently rolled his hips against hers. Lexi purred contently beneath him as she leaned up on her elbows, her flat stomach crunching as she kissed him again and again and again, every movement perfectly timed with a connection of their lips with each other.

Ray felt the overwhelming need to protect her, all of her, as the brief glimpses of her bruises settled in his mind. His arms pinned her body in place beneath him and he growled softly as he felt the sweat beginning to build on his skin. Her flesh was wet, her torso and breasts writhing against his because of the heat from their interaction.

"You're the only one," he muttered, his voice dark as he said it. "Nothing is real without you, Lex."

She smiled at that, how she always felt the same way she couldn't even begin to explain. Her hand stroked his cheek lovingly and she nodded, she was sure of the same thing.

She could feel him building, he was growing impossibly hard inside her, making her ache with every movement. Ray wiped the sweat from his forehead and leaned down, pressing his brow to hers. She smiled, leaning up and giving him the sweetest little peck on the lips. It was so innocent and unexpected, Ray let go with a roar that he didn't even know he was holding inside. Lexi giggled as he punched the bed in annoyance, he had wanted to hold on for her.

"Don't," she said softly, wrapping her hand around his fist. "It felt good, you feel good." Ray scowled, he had wanted to share that orgasm with her but she looked so content in his arms, a genuine smile playing on her lips. He couldn't be mad for long though, the way her lower lip was protruding made his heart soften as he carefully picked himself off of her and tossed himself on the mattress beside her.

"Gives me an excuse to stick around," he shrugged. "Even up the score." He could see her looking at him with the longing he felt too. He stroked along her body, a leisurely move that made her squeeze closer to him. "And I will stick around," he added softly.

Lexi closed her eyes and nodded. She wanted to believe that, she wished that that were true but instead she simply kept her silence, still unsure.

"Just be here for now," she replied softly. "That's all I'd ever ask of you, Ray, you know that."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N - Oh my gosh, it's been a while since I've been here! HUGE apologies, but hope this scratches all of your itches and you enjoy! :) Ray's putting his foot down, at last.**

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Ray had never been so sure he was going to do it. Parked up in the Mercedes on the drive, he could see Abby's silhouette up in Conor's room as she stroked his hair and settled him down to sleep. Bridget's overhead light was already off, but the gentle glow of her reading lamp still illuminated the bedroom. He had wanted to wait, until they were asleep. The last thing he wanted was anything to stop him, he was ready to do this now and he didn't want anything to distract him from his intention.

"Come on, you asshole," he said, looking at himself in the rearview mirror as he saw Conor's light go off. Abby would come downstairs now, she would make herself a cup of coffee and settle on the couch to wait for him. "Let's do this."

He got out of the car and walked over. Smoothing his shirt down, he unlocked the door and tossed his keys on the side. He wouldn't want those again, he was sure of that. If he even kept them, it would be all to tempting to slip back. He needed to commit to his decision this time, and he wanted to. Leaving Lexi had hurt him, abandoning her in his bed had been so painful that he never, ever wanted to go through it again.

"Abs."

"Ray." She beamed at him as she looked up and struggled to her feet, her swollen stomach blocking her body as she staggered up. "Where have you been all day? Avi said you were working, he left you a few messages."

"He did." Ray didn't sit down like he had been that last few weeks. He walked over to the cabinet and poured himself a scotch before going to find a bit of ice from the freezer. Abby watched him, surprised that he hadn't come to cuddle her like he had every time he had come home recently. "I had something important to sort out. Some decisions to make, I needed some space."

She tilted her head to the side and walked over to him as he leaned against the kitchen counter. She stroked his arm but he pulled away, knocking back the remains of his drink before wrapping his hands on the edge of the island. He kept his eyes focused a good distance from her, staring at the floor and preparing himself. Just being in the same room as Abby had no draw to him now. Knowing that Lex was waiting for him in his apartment made him keen to get this done.

"We're over."

It was so easy to say it like that but Abby laughed a little and tapped him playfully. "Where were you all evening, Ray? I missed you. I made dinner, I-" She bent down to pull out a dish of food from the oven but Ray didn't want to play games any more. He wanted to go home.

"I was with another woman," he said bluntly. Abby slowed as she put the hot plate on the counter top and looked up at him. He fixed his eyes on her now and said it again. "I was with a woman called Lexi Stranhope. We've been seeing each other for about four years now, I love her and I want to be with her. So we're over."

God, it felt good to say it all out loud like that. Abby stared at him with a wild expression and shook her head, slowly at first and then faster as she became more convinced that she was hearing things.

"You're just hungry," she insisted, beginning to unwrap the foil on the plate and looking for a knife and fork. "You get all confused when you haven't eaten, you-"

"Abby." He was blunt as he spoke, reaching to still her hand and stop her from trying to mother him. "Please. It's done. We're done."

Abby could feel the rage welling in her stomach as she stared at him. Her eyes glittered as she looked at him challengingly. "You're just going to walk away? From us? From our family? For that slutty little Latina whore?"

"I love her." Ray had said it before he managed to parse her words. How did Abby know about Alexia's heritage? His eyes suddenly narrowed as his hand tightened on her arm, swinging her fiercely against the fridge. Abby grunted as her back hit the door, sending an array of magnets and photographs to the floor in a flurry. "How do you know that?"

"That she's a whore?" Abby laughed, trying to take back control of her arm but Ray's grip was far too strong. "She's got in your head, tried to persuade you of something you don't want. Ray, she's just confusing you. Look, I understand, women like that, they get into your brain, try and convince you of things. We can move past this, we can get on with our lives, with our new family." She drew his hand down to her stomach, resting it on her body. "Here, we've got everything we need here. You don't need her."

"I do." He snatched himself away, not wanting to be thrown off track by the idea of their potential family. A baby would do nothing but add extra grief, there was no happiness or excitement that came with the thing growing inside of Abby. It was just another trap to keep him there. "She's everything to me, and all I want is her. All I've wanted since the day I met her was her. This, us, it's not right. It's not been right for too long."

Abby shook her head. "You're just stuck in her mind games, baby." She reached to caress his cheek and he pushed her hand away quickly.

"No, Abs."

He could see her face suddenly change, her expression growing dark as she glared up at him. "That little bitch." She scrunched her hair beneath her hands, her nails scratching against her scalp as her lips curled into a growl. "What is it, Ray? That she's younger than me? Perter? Tighter? Is that what it is?" He rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Abby, please."

"I told her," she snapped furiously. "I told her to stay away from you. I told her to keep her filthy fucking hands off her. I thought she got the goddamn message." She laughed. "Bet she was too stupid to get that beating through her head."

Ray felt all of the blood drain from his body and pool in his fists as he heard those words. He stared at Abby, his gaze withering as his fingers flexed, his knuckles growing hard as he felt his veins pumping energetically. "Say that again."

"I saw her, Ray!" Abby barked. "I followed you to your little goddamn rendezvous and I watched you go in there. I stayed there while you fucked that silly little girl and then I went in there to make sure she wouldn't go near you again." She shook her head. "I thought she got it, you and me, we've been so good, and-"

Ray suddenly slammed his hands into the fridge with such force that he made the whole damn thing jump a foot off the ground. Abby froze, fearful, as she saw something terrible changing in his eyes. His face suddenly ceased to be readable, he was like stone, cold and rigid in front of her. She tried to reach up to him, to caress him, but he stepped away, putting his hand to his mouth as he realised. Abby, it had been Abby who had attacked her. Abby who had beaten her, Abby who had left her in that state on the ground. Abby who had killed… He stopped and stared at her.

"You. You killed-" He couldn't even bare to say it. He wanted to cry and he wanted to rip her to pieces all in the same breath, but neither seemed to be a good enough fate for her. He shook his head, he didn't even know how to react. "You killed our baby."

She shook her head, pointing to her stomach. "No, Ray, we're good, look." She lifted up her top to show him her swollen stomach. Just the sight of it made him sick, he wanted to take a knife from the block and pop the damn thing like a balloon. "Our baby is good, strong. You've seen the scans, we're going to get over this and it's just going to be a hiccup. I'll forgive you, see? Because I love you, because we make mistakes and-"

"You killed _our_ baby," he repeated, emphasising it differently this time. "She was pregnant. When you hit her. When you threw her to the floor and kicked the shit out of her."

His words were quiet and menacing. Abby felt her throat tightening as she realised what he was saying and held onto her body protectively, hiding herself from him quickly. "Jesus, Ray. I didn't know. She… she wasn't showing, how was I supposed to know?" He looked like a wild animal as he paced the room, never taking his eyes off her for a second. For the first time in her life, Abby was terrified that he might kill her. "Please, Ray. I'm sorry. What was I meant to do? I was gonna lose you."

"You lost me a long time ago."

As he looked up at her, Abby darted to make a move to run. She didn't know what else she could do, but she was sure he would hurt her. Ray moved faster than she could, slamming her to the counter with brute force. She squealed as he crushed her body with his own, his hand reaching across the counter for whatever he could find. He snatched up a blade and turned it in his hand as he moved it against her throat.

"You ruined the one good thing I had," he snarled, his expression was almost murderous as he pressed it to her neck. "She was my new start, she is everything that is good and we were going to be happy, Abby. You destroyed that." He pushed it harder to her, enjoying the look of fear in her eyes as he hurt her. He wanted her gone, he wanted her dead, out of his life for good, punished for what she had done to his family.

"Dad?"

His hand relaxed suddenly and Abby felt herself gasp as the knife clattered on the surface beside her as Ray righted himself just in time as Conor skipped down the stairs. He beamed brightly at his father and skipped over to hug him, ignoring the palpable tension between the two of them as he ran over. Ray paused as he put his arm around Conor and cuddled him, kissing the top of his head.

"Mom said you weren't home yet," Conor murmured warmly. "I won my soccer match, they're gonna put me on the team."

Ray swallowed down all the anger in his body as he listened to his son's excited jabber. He could see the smallest line of blood along Abby's throat from the knife, and he gritted his teeth as he caressed Conor sweetly.

"That's great, Con," he said softly. "Me and your Mom, we were just talking. She's taking a little trip away, aren't you, Abby?"

The look in his eye told her the answer and Abby swallowed. Conor peeked across. "You are? Where are you going?"

"Out of town. For a couple of weeks." Ray was firm, there was no getting out of this. "Grandpa needs a bit of help, your Mom's gonna go give him some support. Aren't you, Abby?"

Abby could see the look in his eye and she nodded slowly, feeling sick in her stomach. "Yeah. Just a little while, then I'll be home, I swear." Conor smiled.

"That's cool. You'll come to my game, Dad? First one's next week." Ray nodded.

"Yeah, of course." He ruffled Conor's hair. "Now go to bed, me and your Mom have a few things we gotta talk about but you'll probably see her in the morning before she goes, okay?" He gave Conor a pat and the boy smiled and waved goodnight to his parents before he galloped back up the stairs. Abby could feel her breathing quickening again as Ray stared at her.

"Ray…"

"Get out of town." It wasn't a request, that was for sure. "You leave, now. Don't even pack a bag, you get out of here and you do not come back, ever." He meant every single word, there was such a darkness in the way he stared at her that Abby didn't dare take the risk. "I don't want to hear from you, I don't want to see you. You make contact with Bridget or Conor, Terry, Bunchy, any of them, I swear to God I will find you and I will kill you." Those last four words were in the most threatening whisper she had ever heard. Abby nodded fearfully as she edged around the kitchen towards the front door. She reached for her car keys and Ray chuckled. "That's the last thing you'll take from me, Abs," he muttered. "Now get out."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N - Sorry it's taken me so long to update this, I was trying to get it just right and I hope this ****_satisfies_**** you all just right ;) S x**

"Make love to me."

God, Ray could never get enough of those words. She begged for him every time he walked into the damn apartment, and she'd always be strung up in some beautiful bit of lingerie, or in some of his clothes, or, very occasionally, absolutely nothing at all. His hand slipped around her body, pulling her to him as he shrugged off his jacket in a second and buried his lips in the crook of her neck, hungry for her. She tasted sweet, she must use some sort of sugar scrub on her skin to taste that good all the time.

"Yes ma'am," he murmured, picking her up as he rested the perfect curve of Lexi's ass to sit on the kitchen counter. He sucked on her lower lip as he pushed her legs apart, exposing the seat of her perfect lace knickers, those lace knickers, and kissed down her body to her naval. He circled her gently, a perfect circle that made her giggle as he worked along her flat abdomen to her hip bone. He took a moment to nibble at her, his eyes looking up at hers as his fingertips ghosted over the material of her underwear.

The sound of her gasping made him hard in an instant. His thumb stroked against her, one broad stroke up against her, circling her clit through her underwear as used the other hand to support her back as he arched her back. He was sure they couldn't have better sex than they already did, but ever since Abby had gone, he had been finding a new level of intimacy and insane intensity with her. It was like all of the demons had gone, all of the weight that pressed down on his shoulders had disappeared and he could just have her without waiting for the inevitable question about his wife. He groaned as he felt her hand wrapping around him over his pants. What wife? Abby had been gone for months now, she was no more than a figment of his imagination.

Jesus, the way her hands worked over his belt, undoing it like a goddamn professional as she undressed him. Lexi could never get enough, not of her Ray. She whimpered as his lips worked over her breast, ignoring the bra in his way as he breathed out, making the material damp between his lips and her nipple grow hard knowing he was so close. He loved that sound, the one where he knew she was giving herself over to him. It was when he knew that he could take complete control.

Snatching her up, he carried her through to the bedroom, one hand on each cheek of her ass as she wrapped her legs tightly around him, her arms resting loosely around his neck. Their lips didn't part, not for a second, he needed to fulfil his craving for her, the one that followed him out of that door every morning and stayed with him until he got back, either for a quickie at lunch time or a more leisurely, unrushed evening of sexual pleasure. As he lay her down on her sheets, their sheets, Ray felt himself smiling as her fingers worked quickly along his shirt.

"What?" she asked, a little smile on her lips as she saw the look of delight in his eyes. He laughed and shook his head, he had nothing to say but she paused as she finished the last button. "What?"

"Just can't believe my luck, that's all," he said as her hands guided his shirt off his back and exposed his firm, toned arms. She blushed and shook her head shyly, pulling his head to hers to kiss her again but he paused. "I mean it, Lex."

"We're both lucky," she assured him, her hand running along his cheek, her fingers dwelling on his jaw as she led his lips back to her own. "Sometimes things work out just right."

That was for sure. Her hands were pushing his boxers away eagerly now, Ray couldn't believe how eagerly she wanted him, still. Night after night, it was the same, and it was more fulfilling than he ever could have imagined. As her hand brushed against his raw skin, he groaned, unable to wait so patiently any longer. He shoved her underwear to the side as he pushed into her, hard and tight, and Lexi moaned as he flexed his hips against hers to fill her. How he always got her so wet, she didn't know. Maybe it was the anticipation of waiting for him to come home. Maybe it was knowing that she didn't have to send him home to someone else any more. She was all his.

Ray lifted her hips, resting her weight on her neck and her shoulders as he held her and balanced on his knees on the bed, guiding her onto him. He could see her wetting her lips as the breath came out faster and faster, her breasts rippling deliciously as he held her. His hands gripped her waist, holding her tight as he enjoyed the slickness between them. One hand strayed up to her perfect chest, his fingertips running around the darker circle contently before he yanked her to him, leading her to his mouth as he sucked on her nipple hungrily. She whinnied softly at his intimate embrace, his tongue was curling against her as she continued to ride him and she could feel every part of her struggling to hold on.

"Not yet," he growled. He could tell how badly she wanted to come, her whole body was clenching inside but he didn't want that, not yet. He wanted to torture her, he wanted to make sure that the second she came she could do nothing but lie there in a jelly-like mess for hours. "Don't make me stop you."

There was something so delightfully threatening in the way he said it that Lexi took a deep breath. She needed to focus her breathing, she needed to meditate her way through their fuck to stop herself from coming at the first opportunity. Ray made her tantric, she could feel herself closing her eyes and centring herself as he threw her down flat, slowing down his movements to a torturously slow body roll that made her want to cry. Every night, she swore he had never been harder, or deeper, and every night he tried to find a way to fulfil her even more than last time. His fingertips grazed her waist as he leaned over her, kissing her softly, his tongue massaging hers as each thrust became slower and more intimate.

"That's it," he growled as his fingers tangled with hers, holding her arms up by her head. Holding onto her, it gave him the grip and the connection that he so needed. As his tongue teased her earlobe, he felt her thighs tightening around him, she was struggling to hold back. Maybe he should just let her cum, but it seemed too easy. "You really want to, don't you?"

She laughed. "Like it's my decision." It was always on him, Ray gave her everything she wanted but on his terms. He grinned, nipping her collarbone playfully.

"You think I'm some sort of control freak?" She giggled.

"I _know_ you are," she teased, even trying to show a little force by throwing him back but Ray rolled her back beneath him in an instant, determined to keep the upper hand. He loved the way she was laughing, it felt good to be having so much fun with her. She ran the heel of one foot up against his spine and Ray growled at the unexpected sensation, slamming her down again and catching her ankle in his hand.

"Oh, you want to play, huh?" He guided her ankle to his shoulder, resting it in the crook of his neck. The intense moan he elicited from her mouth as he rocked into her, reaching even deeper inside her, made him not want to wait any more. He wanted to cum and he wanted to soak every little bit of her goddamn body. As he inched towards her, bending her leg even further towards her shoulder, he eased her other leg to the side. Their bodies couldn't possibly be tighter, and he grinned as his fingertip tiptoes along the back of her thigh, knowing how much she loved it.

"Ray-"

It was all she managed before she gave in. His lip pushed tightly up against hers as she came, he barely let her satisfied shriek escape between the two of them. The sudden wetness that flooded her made his movements even easier, faster, quicker, more uncontrollable and Ray found himself grunting like goddamn dog as he orgasmed hard, filling her with a heat that he couldn't even begin to hold on to. His body went limp on top of her, every bit of blood he had was in his pelvis and he could barely even support his own weight as he fell down on top of her, the sweat dripping off his forehead as he gazed at her. She was panting, he loved it when she panted, she was breathless. His velvet lips moved down her neck again before tracing up her jaw and pushing onto her lips eagerly.

"I'll have to get you a gag," he whispered as he rolled onto his side, keeping his leg around her to stop her from pulling away. He wanted her body to absorb every bit of him, maybe there was something more they could build together now they were each other's. "For when you move into mine. You'll wake the kids."

She laughed and gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. "Yeah, they're just going to love their new stepmom moving in," she murmured. "I don't expect that stuff, Ray, I-"

He pushed a kiss onto her mouth, just to shut her up. He hated when she said she wouldn't move in, he'd been trying to get her to come around for weeks. "I want you to," he finally said as he let her breathe again. His forehead leaned against hers as his hands worked over her hips, feeling out her curves against his. "Just, dinner, don't even make it so major. You can have dinner. I can have friends."

She rolled her eyes as her fingers crept down his chest towards his heart. "You? Friends?" She raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were the strong silent type. Like Batman."

Ray sniggered. "Batman has friends."

"I'm not going to be your butler," she teased, poking his nose playfully. Ray grinned, rolling her back and forth beneath him as he clambered over her again possessively. He'd never understand how she could do that, always make him laugh. His hands ran along her forearms before he held onto her, looking at her intently.

"Come for dinner," he begged, nuzzling her nose with his own. "We can pick up pizza, take it back right now. They'll love you, I swear. I'm not expecting you to play Mom, just… show them that we can be friends, that they don't have to be scared."

It took her a moment but slowly she nodded. "If that's what you want, Ray, of course." She ran her fingers along the line of his hair and smiled. "I'll do anything you ask me to, you know that."


End file.
